[jc]

so this morning for the second time this weekend ive been told im a waste of space.the first time from a so called friend(who was actually drunk and making a fool of himself)he knew about my captaining the local and county cricket team while i was young and he asked why i threw it all away and then the usual 'why arnt you working in a decent job' question arose...this morning my phone went and my mum answered it,it was a call from a friend whos getting married and he wants me to do a compilation of music for his wedding(which im going to do)but also he keeps asking me am i going to his wedding reception and i came out with the usualy excuses 'ive got no money etc..' i put the phone down and my mum said to me for the millionth time 'your a waste of space'
im trying very very hard to keep a possitive slant on this but im fed up that im now percieved as a waste of space,and there isnt any easy way of explaining why im limited to what i can and cant do...my next door neighbour suffers from depression and if hes feeling down or low he will lock the door get in bed and his folks will leave him alone,with me i seem to be mentally and verbally punished for having off days..im really really sick of this...do others have this kind of daily obstacle and how do you deal with it ?

all the best

jc

 

[ret]

i do yes, just learn let it bounce off you. You are in control of how others affect you, i don't mean that in a patronizing way.

 

[jc]

i do yes, just learn let it bounce off you. You are in control of how others affect you, i don't mean that in a patronizing way.

i know what you meen...i really do try my best to not let it worry me but it gets tiresome...the guy that was telling me i wasted my cricket career is a full time thief and he used to beat up his own father,apart from that my mum doesnt like the fact that im not a family person,i dont like doing family things as they always end up in arguments

 

[Dreamland]

First of all, I would never make such a hurtful statement to anyone and I can't believe that some feel compelled to talk to others that way. At the same time, people who don't suffer from depression or DP can't comprehend your symptoms so they they think that a kick in the butt is all you need. It's easier said than done, but you're going to have to learn to ignore statements like that.

 

[Rektchordz]

i work for my step dad and i get told im a waste of space alot, nothing hurts more than that when ur as low as possible, problem is hes one of those doesnt think about anything types and has no idea how to understand mental illness's. The extermly bad thing with this sorta thing is i think it can lead to self harm, well it did with me anyways, no one listens until something seriouse happens sooo fucking sad but its true. When people say things like im a waste of space, i really feel like just fucking everything and become an alcholic and not give a fuck about anyone or any thing .... ive suffered soo much and i just get treated like shit for it, i know lifes not fair but come the fuck off it. peace jay

 

[jc]

the thing is i dont actually tell so called friends that i suffer because i feel its none of there buisiness...but the problem is the fact that i used to keep myself to myself after i became ill,so i went from mr sociable to mr antisocial,then i thought to myself 'i need to start participating in conversation,and ive done this but as always it ends up like a soap opera with everyone analyzing you and talking about you...
my mum jut looks at me each day with disgust and to be fair im not really harming the woman...i pay my rent i wash and iron my clothes,i cook,it seems the ony time shes unhappy with me is when i escape this house and go to the pub for a couple of hours...

an example of the woman

7.30am the hoover goes on
then she just flits about trying to find things to do,and to be honest there really isnt anything for her to do as i do all the major housework....she doesnt realize that its because of her continuous bickering that i throw the towel in and escape to the pub

 

[Guest]

Hi Jc, first up I know your not a waste of space, I met ya, and really enjoyed your company, and I am always right you know that!

I think what you are describing is ingrained patterns of relating. Your Mum and you have probably been going through the same conversations for years and years, its possible that is how your mum feels sometimes Jc that she is a waste of space, or possibly she could have been told that as a child over and over. Its painful so she wants to project that onto you, so she tells you that you are a waste of space etc. The bottom line is its your choice and your choice only wether you regard yourself as a waste of space or not, and its totally my chocie wether I regard you as a waste of space or not, and as I said I definately dont, now your chocie is wether you beleive me or not, and that is totally up to YOU dude.
Tell me what you think

 

[Sojourner]

This is so sad. I'm going to cry.

 

[jc]

Hi Jc, first up I know your not a waste of space, I met ya, and really enjoyed your company, and I am always right you know that!

I think what you are describing is ingrained patterns of relating. Your Mum and you have probably been going through the same conversations for years and years, its possible that is how your mum feels sometimes Jc that she is a waste of space, or possibly she could have been told that as a child over and over. Its painful so she wants to project that onto you, so she tells you that you are a waste of space etc. The bottom line is its your choice and your choice only wether you regard yourself as a waste of space or not, and its totally my chocie wether I regard you as a waste of space or not, and as I said I definately dont, now your chocie is wether you beleive me or not, and that is totally up to YOU dude.
Tell me what you think

how are you robbie ?
ok sorry to make this sound like 'its my life' but these examples keep cropping up...ok 25 minutes ago i went upto the chemist to pick up my meds,i came back on my cycle (bit of exercise )
and my dad was in the garden with his friend,his friend gave me his usual good afternoon speech as if to suggest ive been in bed all morning,i gave him a stern look and then my dad said 'johns a bit tecthy today' i said its because im getting head zaps as they ran out of citalopram and ive had to spend two days without it,i appologized and said i find it hard to cope with these withdrawl symptoms and my dad said 'you find it hard to cope with the tablets'

im sure its pick on john week,im not feeling sorry for myself but why are people so cocksure that there life is better than yours

anyway good to hear from you robbie,hope your still working and the therepys going well

 

[Guest]

Things are good, thanks JC

you wrote:

im sure its pick on john week,im not feeling sorry for myself but why are people so cocksure that there life is better than yours

In my opinion JC there is one answer to this, they are definately not sure that their life is better, so they over compensate and try to feel better by being cocksure it is.

Its up to you wether you want to beleive your life is how they describe it, so next time they say your a waste of space you could say, its up to me to make my own mind up about that.

hows it going in other parts of your life jc?

 

[jc]

not too bad robbie...i enjoy a couple of pints each day with the old boys down the pub....(dont bother with nightclubs and evening pissups anymore)
i was working part time at the mental health resource centre but unfortuanately i did my back in again and felt it was unfair of me to keep having the odd day off....you know mate life is life,im just feeling a bit low today as they had run out of citaopram on friday and last night was hellish with the head zaps etc....

are you working ?

 

[gem]

jc, when I first read the words your mom said to you, I could not believe it. I thought to myself why would a mother say such a cruel thing? You must have felt terrible. I myself did not have a wonderful childhood, lots of nasty comments where made and I would hear them and tuck them away in a place in my mind where every now and then I would remember the words that can reduce one to tears. Sometimes parents do not mean what they say and you must remember that they are human to and do make mistakes, no, it is not nice to say those things but maybe she was trying to get you to react to get you motivated. She may be thinking that if get him angry he will do something, like comment back no mom I am not a waste of space, I am a good human being with feelings and will accomplish things in life. Now I am not saying you are not accomplishing things, I am saying your mom may have spoke this way to get you to respond, like years ago they used to say pull up your socks, I used to say to my mom if I pull them up anymore they will be over my head. She did laugh when I said this. Moms have no hand book when they have children they do there best, yes some are not so nice but say to your mom that hurts when you speak to me this way, why do you say that. She may reply with sorry I did not mean those words I am just frustrated. Jc, communication is very important talk to your mom, sometimes mom's need a hug and some understanding too. Give her a chance to explain.

gem.

 

[jc]

to be honest gem she says stuff like this all of the time and wonders why i feel the need to visit my local pub for sanctuary.i do everything i can for her and my dad but its never enough

 

[gem]

jc, I am so sorry to hear that you are treated this way. If it is happening all the time I can understand your sadness and pain. You have to remember you are a kind person and that you are doing your best but please remember that you are not a waste of time. Believe in who you are jc reach for the stars, give the kindness you give to others to yourself too okay. I wish I knew what to say I do not understand. Children are a gift a precious gift.

gem.

 

[ret]

ic, just so you know i get called everything from useless to arsehole and worse. She's said it so many times it doesn't bother me anymore. So yeah you're not the only one.

 

[jc]

cheers folks
update time...yesterday while i was cutting the grass the neighbour called me over,shes in her 80,s and ive known her for years she asked if i could cut her grass i said sure...then she gave me 5 pounds for doing it i said 'no thats ok' but she insisted...i took the money then my mum told me that i was wrong to take the money and its about time i went out and got myself a fulltime job...so ive been told im a waste of space,ive been told on so many occasions that im going to be evicted and well....so the story goes!

sorry to sound like 'this is my life' but im seriously worried as to whether its my nervous system thats shot or hers

 

[CECIL]

My take:

Your parent's feel at least as insecure about their own worth as you do. However, they deny it and find things in their life to take their minds off of it.

The point being, that is their problem, not yours. However as I am learning about myself, you take these things on, especially from your parents. You, in contrast to your parents, do not see the point of taking your mind off of it and instead sit there staring it in the face. It frightens you (this is DP, depression etc we are talking about here).

I don't know much about your background but my advice would be to move out of home at any cost. Make your own life, take care of your own house and leave them to their own devices. I suspect if you can take such a step back and begin to separate out what's their's and what's yours you will feel a lot clearer about it.

That said, I don't know anything about you besides what you've posted on here. What I can definitively say is that no-one is a waste of space, they just believe they are. Confront that belief and find out why you have it (sounds like your parents are a big part of it).

All of these people are telling you that you are a waste of space because you don't fit their and society's mould of what people should do. People should do housework, people should coach cricket, people should help old ladies with their lawns. Forget all of that, seriously. Find out who you are and what you want to do with your life. If you want to lie in bed all day then fucking do it and to hell with anyone who tells you that you're wasting your life - they are just much more tired than you

Oh yeah, and learn to take your own advice

 

[jc]

thankyou ...good advice :wink:
i do tend to worry far too much about what others think,my dp has slowly lessoned over the years but im sure my mum is playing on my insecurity issues by constantly getting on my case and threatening me..
to be honest even when i was working there was always another problem for her to moan at,and both of my sisters have said that 'i could no-way live with mum anymore'
i get out everyday i do the odd private job (anything and everything)and i pay my way in this house but im made to feel guilty because im not at therye side 24/7.....

 

[CECIL]

You mentioned in another thread about feeling guilty for not helping your father when he's sick and so on.

This is an example of becoming involved in their problems. I think you need to have a bit of a "personal boundary" and look out for yourself first. If you pour your energy into their suffering and allow it to affect you to the point of worrying, feeling guilty and angry etc then you are tying yourself to their outcomes, if you get what I mean.

If you can detach yourself from their problems, realising that it only affects you if you want it to, then you can approach the situation with a loving mindset. You can help them but not be dragged down into that hole of self-hate by your interactions with them.

Bottom line is that you can't live your parent's lives for them. You can't be there to protect them and look after them all the time. If you try to, then you aren't being yourself, aren't living your own life. You don't need to be cold or mean, but you don't need to feel guilty about it either.

This is all in theory, of course.

 

[jc]

thankyou
im sure one day i will get it all correct in my head of how to be myself...so many people tell me to just be myself of recent and im starting to realise that im not a selfish person and you cant please all of the people all of the time....