Well - to be quite honest; after the anger has settled I feel much more appreciative to the things I achieved myself.
I was feeling like shit those days. Bloody hell - I was scared, the anxiety sucked all of my energy away. I looked like a vampire running away from sunlight all the time ;-)
I thought there was a masterplan. There was not.
DP/DR = not known. So they neglected all the horrible feelings I had.
They simply pushed me 'into the real world' without taking into account that I really felt bad. They did not accept it as science did not recognize it. They envoked so much rage within me that time that I did not care anymore about anxiety. I was scared but I reached the bottom...Everybody was telling me that nothing was wrong - and although I felt horrible there was no other option than to go on.
I was put against the wall. And when that happened I had two options: try to convince that I was sick (which I felt, but nobody believed) or to live like I was perfectly healthy and do everything I was avoiding.
I chose the second option. I thought it was a part of the therapy (that's why I was so pissed off) but it was not. I found the way myself due to my persistence, eagerness to go on, to fulfill my dreams. And broke the circle of rationalization, acting, lying to myself, denying my true desires.
And...it worked. In a couple of months a miraculous recovery.
However - I lived so many years with the idea that I was helped, that I was so fortunate to live in Holland where I was magically cured, that once faced with the same ignorance in the letters about the fact that I felt really ill I was pissed off.
Anyway - I was true, I now know that I am so true. If you stop moaning, stop the self-pity, stop crying for help, and you take your life seriously and go and act, to colour your life with the colours you chose it goes away.
Actually...I did it myself! Thank God they denied my feelings of self-pity - sometimes you will have to learn to put aside the pain to go on. And while moving you will notice there is no pain.
I had to place it...And I now know that this is really self-imposed...And nobody will ever understand it. And it does not matter - if it is self-imposed it can lifted as easily - by the one and only...true you...
8)
I was feeling like shit those days. Bloody hell - I was scared, the anxiety sucked all of my energy away. I looked like a vampire running away from sunlight all the time ;-)
I thought there was a masterplan. There was not.
DP/DR = not known. So they neglected all the horrible feelings I had.
They simply pushed me 'into the real world' without taking into account that I really felt bad. They did not accept it as science did not recognize it. They envoked so much rage within me that time that I did not care anymore about anxiety. I was scared but I reached the bottom...Everybody was telling me that nothing was wrong - and although I felt horrible there was no other option than to go on.
I was put against the wall. And when that happened I had two options: try to convince that I was sick (which I felt, but nobody believed) or to live like I was perfectly healthy and do everything I was avoiding.
I chose the second option. I thought it was a part of the therapy (that's why I was so pissed off) but it was not. I found the way myself due to my persistence, eagerness to go on, to fulfill my dreams. And broke the circle of rationalization, acting, lying to myself, denying my true desires.
And...it worked. In a couple of months a miraculous recovery.
However - I lived so many years with the idea that I was helped, that I was so fortunate to live in Holland where I was magically cured, that once faced with the same ignorance in the letters about the fact that I felt really ill I was pissed off.
Anyway - I was true, I now know that I am so true. If you stop moaning, stop the self-pity, stop crying for help, and you take your life seriously and go and act, to colour your life with the colours you chose it goes away.
Actually...I did it myself! Thank God they denied my feelings of self-pity - sometimes you will have to learn to put aside the pain to go on. And while moving you will notice there is no pain.
I had to place it...And I now know that this is really self-imposed...And nobody will ever understand it. And it does not matter - if it is self-imposed it can lifted as easily - by the one and only...true you...
8)
