I have posted that it was thnx to institutional psychotherapy for a year (1 YEAR!).
I was very grateful to the staff who helped me and who challanged me to do things which I feared. Bullshit. I know now that I did myself.
Yesterday, while picking up my meds dossier (as I am changing GP) I for the first time in my life I read opinions etc. from that time.
WOW! 'I was a somathizing person...' Bloody hell no. 'Somebody who is using DP as an instrument in order avoid serious stuff in life.' What the hell?! 'An adolescent looking very tired...' Yes, because DP is a constant struggle my dear. Etc. etc. Yes, I know. If the psychotherapy is like that it is a game. However, they have never believed me - and they have put their belief on paper, with a signature...I feel betrayed. DP = theater in their eyes.
I wish they would feel it for just....1 hour...
DP IS AN ILLNESS. WE WANT TO CURE. WE ARE NOT USING IT. IT IS A CRY FOR A GUIDANCE.
I am so pissed off - and now I know why I have recovered - I was so pissed off with them at that time that I concluded that EVERYTHING was better than the hell I was in. Even ecoming psychotic. And I started to face my fears. I started to drink alcohol, coffee. I started to do all the things they never agreed to, but I did..
I thought they have helped me - but, I did it MYSELF. Their constant ignorance of DP triggered anger within me. And thnx to that anger I CURED MYSELF. Therefore, kudos to me and the institution will have major problems while I am going to address this issue and their bullshit arguments with the insurence company.
Why I am making such a big issue of it is very simple. When I have physical complaints THEY (other institutions - other doctors) look at my dossier and they argue that it must be something psychological, hypochondric, some kind of cry-for-help. I now know why.
My opinion still has not changed - cure is imminent if you are challanged in self-actualization and facing fears in reaching that goal.
Academic psychological bullshit - I will fight it. DP is an illness. I have it experienced to the fullest. Lived with it for appr. 10 years.
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