Dealing with this mental illness can be such a hassle I say from my self. Sometimes I feel hopeless and alone yet no one understand my struggle or the way I feel. It sucks to feel like you can't control it and it's taking over your life but those are just lies. It's your mind and you can control it yet you were made in a special way in someone's eyes. God created us over his perfection he knew our struggles before us and he has been there thru them next to us. We are the special breed his bravest warriors, he wouldn't had gave us this battle to give up in life. He gave it to over come it and see how strong and special were yet to show us he gonna be there for us if we let him help us and win this life full of joy and happiness. Maybe thus was the way meant to be to have a good relationship with him and come close to him. You should give him a try trust me it hasn't let me down. I feel alive yet life is so much better. He is always there for me and I can always find comfort in him. So let your troubles and pains to him and watch him turn your life around you won't regret it.