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Can anybody relate to this? Fortunately I am starting to get over a few of my more bizarre symptoms (feeling like I was living in an earlier part of my life/time traveling), but lately I feel like something inside me is changing or missing. I have the deepest philosophical thoughts and read into spiritual awakenings and now I can't stop thinking about it. For some reason spirituality scares me. I read a lot of the symptoms of spiritual awakenings and I really related to a few and it scared me (although some of these were very broad that could be caused by anything, such as vivid dreams and recognizing past bad habits). Once I get to thinking one thing, I'm on to questioning the next until I get down to the very fabric of existence. I am a very science-oriented person, and I don't really believe in a lot of religious or spiritual stuff, but I can't help obsessing over it. I question everything and what my purpose on this earth is. I don't have any desire to go through some awakening and feel "connected" to everything in the universe and experience bliss and great knowledge if that makes any sense. I just want to live a normal life ignorant to all of these deep thoughts and enjoy myself at an appropriately happy level and feel grounded. Sometimes recovery scares me, I seem to equate it in my mind to some epiphany or manic state. I don't need any realizations. I just want stability. I feel like this is a lot of rambling and I'm sorry for that but it's hard to explain. I just feel like I'm having an existential/identity crisis and don't know anymore. I'm scared all of this philosophical and spiritual thinking means I'm going delusional, although I don't feel like I am. I'd just like to take a shower without questioning the meaning behind an effing bar of soap!
 
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