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Iam not too sure? Can someone relate?

3K views 6 replies 1 participant last post by  Zed 
#1 ·
Hello world,
I am looking to see if there is anyone out there who can relate to my experience. I feel alone, and maybe if there is anyone I can talk too, I may feel more connected....
I am not too sure where to begin.....
Two years ago, I had an anxiety panic attack from suffering a heart condition.....
Since then, I am not the same.
I AM very confused over what happened to me. I woke up one morning, after my attack, to questioning if I always had an inner voice in my head, and I think I did, but now, it won't shut up. I literally talk in my head all day long, and it makes me cry a lot, and depresses me.
It's like I woke up, to hearing my internal voice/ dialouge non stop.
Sometimes, my inner voice says horrible things, and tells me to do things, and I question of it is me?
I am afraid of my own self talk, for I feel it is not me anymore. I feel like, I am the listener, and not the one speaking....does that make since?
I say things in my head like, how do I get rid of this voice? Will this voice ever go away! I will never be Normal again? Or I can't do this any more. I question of it is d/p, anxiety,...etc.
I have a lot of what I have been told, intrusive thoughts.....commanding me to do things....
I literally cannot stop talking to myself in my head. It's like I am one hundered percent aware of what iam thinking...all the time....
I feel like this is talking away from the normalcy of my life.
I have very negitive thinking, or a negitive voice in my head. Though, the voice is not another person, and sounds like me.....
I sometimes feel I am stuck in my body, like I am looking out of myself.....and I suffer a great deal of anxiety.
My depressing thoughts arise a lot also....I am not trying to trigger anyone, so please, please, don't think that I am, I am just trying to understand.....
Since I consider my inner voice almost like another person talking, though it is me, I feel I have no control over what I am saying to myself? I am afraid to be alone with my thoughts all the time, and I distract to the point of exhaustion....working three jobs, always around friends, and the worse part? I have children...and my inner voice tells me I don't love them, I am ugly, fat, which I am not, and end my life.
I was not always like this. I was a normal , human being.
All my voice thoughts as inside my head, I do not hear anything on the outside, if you know what I mean.
All internal non stop dialouge.
I have been in the hospital many times, asking for help, and they send me home, saying I am fine.
They ask me, do you hear voices? I say, I hear my own....all day, and to them, that must not mean anything, but to me, it is slowly chipping away at who I am.....I cannot watch tv, or take a baths without this chatter in my brain.....
No matter what iam doing, I am listening to this talking.....
I have a shrink now, and he is against all medication. He tells me drugs will make me a zombie, and fat,....and I feel this is not good counciling, as I may need help for this......but when I do think of medication, my inner voice asks, why are you trying to hurt me? You can't get rid of me?
I am afraid. What is going on?
I was happy at one point......I think? I don't know.....maybe I was always like this? But I don't think so.....
Anyone, please connect with me......am I alone?
Thank you.
 
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Discussion starter · #2 ·
Yes.......thank you first for responding. My inner voice tells me to hit people, kill things, calls me names, vulgar names, and repeats thoughts all the time. I have really fast thinking, or talking in my head. Literally, it's never quiet, or peaceful. I repeat phrases like, I am hearing myself think about one hundered times a day, I repeat conversations, songs, things I read, or heard. I feel mentally exhausted. I hear every thought in my head?
It's been two years of this, and I even repeat that over and over in my head.
My inner voice says things like, can I get that for you? And random words.....sentences, conversations.
And I cry all the time, because I, or my mind won't stop talking.
It also says, my life is over,......
Can you relate?
 
Discussion starter · #3 ·
Thank you! I have been working with a psychitraist, but he says to ignore them.....I tell him, how to you ignore an inner conversation that never stops?....how to you ignore chatter?.....everyday? Suggestions on that?
I think the awareness of my mind, and what I mean is, the hearing every thought is driving me crazy.....
May I ask, do you hear your every thought? Your inner dialouge?
Thank you for opening up to me..,..
 
Discussion starter · #4 ·
Thank you...I will ask him to help me.....and thank you for reaching out.....he, my doctor does not know why I hear every thought as well...he calls it a voice hearing experience,....lovely....
 
Discussion starter · #6 ·
It scares me....I am afraid of talking back, of that's the case.....how do I do that?....it makes me feel like , for the rest of my life, I will be talking in my head all the time, which causes me to not live in the moment.....and how do I address me?....where do I start?
It's like I hear conversation, and out of no where my inner voice will yell, shut up you stupid........fill in blank...but all one voice?....like there is a two way conversation, but it's all me?
Can you help with that?
And is your head ever quiet, where you can watch tv?.....
I truly appreciate everyone connecting with me.....
 
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