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Iam not too sure? Can someone relate?

2907 Views 6 Replies 1 Participant Last post by  Zed
Hello world,
I am looking to see if there is anyone out there who can relate to my experience. I feel alone, and maybe if there is anyone I can talk too, I may feel more connected....
I am not too sure where to begin.....
Two years ago, I had an anxiety panic attack from suffering a heart condition.....
Since then, I am not the same.
I AM very confused over what happened to me. I woke up one morning, after my attack, to questioning if I always had an inner voice in my head, and I think I did, but now, it won't shut up. I literally talk in my head all day long, and it makes me cry a lot, and depresses me.
It's like I woke up, to hearing my internal voice/ dialouge non stop.
Sometimes, my inner voice says horrible things, and tells me to do things, and I question of it is me?
I am afraid of my own self talk, for I feel it is not me anymore. I feel like, I am the listener, and not the one speaking....does that make since?
I say things in my head like, how do I get rid of this voice? Will this voice ever go away! I will never be Normal again? Or I can't do this any more. I question of it is d/p, anxiety,...etc.
I have a lot of what I have been told, intrusive thoughts.....commanding me to do things....
I literally cannot stop talking to myself in my head. It's like I am one hundered percent aware of what iam thinking...all the time....
I feel like this is talking away from the normalcy of my life.
I have very negitive thinking, or a negitive voice in my head. Though, the voice is not another person, and sounds like me.....
I sometimes feel I am stuck in my body, like I am looking out of myself.....and I suffer a great deal of anxiety.
My depressing thoughts arise a lot also....I am not trying to trigger anyone, so please, please, don't think that I am, I am just trying to understand.....
Since I consider my inner voice almost like another person talking, though it is me, I feel I have no control over what I am saying to myself? I am afraid to be alone with my thoughts all the time, and I distract to the point of exhaustion....working three jobs, always around friends, and the worse part? I have children...and my inner voice tells me I don't love them, I am ugly, fat, which I am not, and end my life.
I was not always like this. I was a normal , human being.
All my voice thoughts as inside my head, I do not hear anything on the outside, if you know what I mean.
All internal non stop dialouge.
I have been in the hospital many times, asking for help, and they send me home, saying I am fine.
They ask me, do you hear voices? I say, I hear my own....all day, and to them, that must not mean anything, but to me, it is slowly chipping away at who I am.....I cannot watch tv, or take a baths without this chatter in my brain.....
No matter what iam doing, I am listening to this talking.....
I have a shrink now, and he is against all medication. He tells me drugs will make me a zombie, and fat,....and I feel this is not good counciling, as I may need help for this......but when I do think of medication, my inner voice asks, why are you trying to hurt me? You can't get rid of me?
I am afraid. What is going on?
I was happy at one point......I think? I don't know.....maybe I was always like this? But I don't think so.....
Anyone, please connect with I alone?
Thank you.
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Yes.......thank you first for responding. My inner voice tells me to hit people, kill things, calls me names, vulgar names, and repeats thoughts all the time. I have really fast thinking, or talking in my head. Literally, it's never quiet, or peaceful. I repeat phrases like, I am hearing myself think about one hundered times a day, I repeat conversations, songs, things I read, or heard. I feel mentally exhausted. I hear every thought in my head?
It's been two years of this, and I even repeat that over and over in my head.
My inner voice says things like, can I get that for you? And random words.....sentences, conversations.
And I cry all the time, because I, or my mind won't stop talking.
It also says, my life is over,......
Can you relate?
Thank you! I have been working with a psychitraist, but he says to ignore them.....I tell him, how to you ignore an inner conversation that never stops? to you ignore chatter?.....everyday? Suggestions on that?
I think the awareness of my mind, and what I mean is, the hearing every thought is driving me crazy.....
May I ask, do you hear your every thought? Your inner dialouge?
Thank you for opening up to me..,..
Thank you...I will ask him to help me.....and thank you for reaching out.....he, my doctor does not know why I hear every thought as well...he calls it a voice hearing experience,....lovely....

I could relate to a lot of the things you wrote… especially about the non stop loud thoughts.. questioning everything and doubting and other noises inside too.

Have you thought maybe you are sharing your body with others? I share my body with others. When I first realised I was frightened, but I'm not anymore b/c now I understand what all the loud thoughts/voices are and also some strange feelings I get occasionally. I was taught to start listening to the voices and to ask questions and communicate with them. Now I'm very open with them and I'm also very grateful as well, b/c after all we have to all live together. Makes sense doesn't it?

Instead of trying to ignore what the voices/thoughts are saying, why don't you communicate back to them? Ask them some questions. That's what I've learnt to do and it works very well for me.

Just some ideas you could think about..
It scares me....I am afraid of talking back, of that's the do I do that? makes me feel like , for the rest of my life, I will be talking in my head all the time, which causes me to not live in the moment.....and how do I address me?....where do I start?
It's like I hear conversation, and out of no where my inner voice will yell, shut up you stupid........fill in blank...but all one voice? there is a two way conversation, but it's all me?
Can you help with that?
And is your head ever quiet, where you can watch tv?.....
I truly appreciate everyone connecting with me.....
Talking back is easy really …. It's like talking to anyone, but you communicate with thoughts. Think about who/what part of yourself you want to say something to, and then think it. Sometimes you'll get an immediate response sometimes it'll take days. Ask the question again if you don't get an answer.

To give an example of how I'd approach a voice or thought that is calling me names, I'd ask "why are you calling me that?" Or "you wouldn't like people to say that to you, so why do you say it to me?" Reason with the voices/thoughts the same as you would to anyone..

Often there's conversations going on in my head that I suppose are like a group of people talking in the outside world. Often there's more than one person in on the conversation. It goes on like this pretty much all day and all night. I don't often get a break. It's kind of hard work i suppose, but I'm used to it now. I find I can watch tv ok.. in fact it's probably one of the most relaxing times I get during the day. Reading is difficult b/c the thoughts always interrupt me and I loose where I am and the story line, but I've figured out the best times to read.

Give this a try and let me know how you go..
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