[luluinthefog]

I was admitted into a psych ward for three days because my anxiety was so terrible. It was a horrible experience. They were not equipped to handle a person with severe anxiety and derealization. None of the group therapy sessions had anything to do with me or anything I had ever felt. I was so scared that I could barely leave my room and I felt like I was in a dream the whole time. I got to see a psychiatrist who seemed very smart and was nice and changed my meds. He put me on effexor but now I feel so weird I'm terrified again. They also wouldnt let me leave even though i signed in voluntarily. (i was desperate to feep better). So anyways. Effexor. I'm on day 5 and I feel emotionally numb but I can still feel intense fear underneath the numbness and thats somehow even scarier. Also things looks much more crisp and real but I hate it. Its too intense for me. I think Im losing my mind. I still take xanax but idk what the eff for because it doesnt do anything anymore except for stop me from going into withdrawal. I wanted to get off all of my meds but then I started experiencing the worst anxiety I've ever had in my life out of nowhere. (Which is how i ended up in the psych ward). So now I'm trying it again. Round and round in circles I go. I know no one believes me but i swear to god this disease is going to kill me.

 

[luluinthefog]

I am literally begging for help, I don't want to die or lose my mind. I just want my life back. I want to be able to get off xanax because everyone is telling me its dangerous and it could give me brain damage and everything else but my anxiety is so so so severe. i know it sounds silly but i literally think i have the worst anxiety anyone has ever felt

 

[Chip1021]

Hey Lulu

I'm sorry about your experience with the "hospital" (it's more of a prison, if you ask me). I've been there several times and have had similar experiences, with the exception of caring, intelligent psychiatrists. Never got to experience that.

Yeah, just because you enter the hospital voluntarily does not mean you will be free to leave voluntarily. Once they have you, they can and will keep you as long as they want, or usually until your insurance coverage runs out (if you are from the US, as least). Also know that, in my experience, if you keep saying that you don't feel better to the psychiatrist, they will keep pumping you with more and more meds until you finally have to lie and say you are feeling better. I really don't understand how anyone finds any benefit from that environment, but apparently people do. Wish a few day stay in a hospital could heal me if this hell, but it more often than not just made it worse.

I'm sorry about your extreme anxiety. I truly know and understand what that feels like. You have my utmost empathy, and I hope we all can find a way out of this hell or purgatory state.

You can always send me a message if you need someone to chat with. Try to take care of yourself, dear.

 

[lalalauren123]

I'm so sorry, lulu. I am there myself...toying with the idea that I actually am developing some delusional disorder and this isn't real. The anxiety is unbelievable. I'm on 200 mg Zoloft and psychiatrist just asked me to.up it to 250mg in addition to 2mg of abilify once a day. We can get through this. They would have told you at the hospital of this was anything more. Just need to find distraction. Now if only I could follow my own advice....

 

[luluinthefog]

Thank you so much for your replies, it helps so much. Sometimes I just feel so alone in this.

 

[James_80]

I was admitted into a psych ward for three days because my anxiety was so terrible. It was a horrible experience. They were not equipped to handle a person with severe anxiety and derealization. None of the group therapy sessions had anything to do with me or anything I had ever felt. I was so scared that I could barely leave my room and I felt like I was in a dream the whole time. I got to see a psychiatrist who seemed very smart and was nice and changed my meds. He put me on effexor but now I feel so weird I'm terrified again. They also wouldnt let me leave even though i signed in voluntarily. (i was desperate to feep better). So anyways. Effexor. I'm on day 5 and I feel emotionally numb but I can still feel intense fear underneath the numbness and thats somehow even scarier. Also things looks much more crisp and real but I hate it. Its too intense for me. I think Im losing my mind. I still take xanax but idk what the eff for because it doesnt do anything anymore except for stop me from going into withdrawal. I wanted to get off all of my meds but then I started experiencing the worst anxiety I've ever had in my life out of nowhere. (Which is how i ended up in the psych ward). So now I'm trying it again. Round and round in circles I go. I know no one believes me but i swear to god this disease is going to kill me.

Hey, it sounds like coming off Xanax created the bad anxiety. It definitely just sounds like extreme anxiety, nothing more sinister than that. Although anxiety of course is horrible to deal with and leads to dp as your brain's natural way of protecting itself from perceived threat. The Effexor should start working within 2 weeks. If not, there are plenty of other antidepressants that work well for anxiety e.g. Citalopram and Fluoxetine. You'll get better, I promise. Try to focus on trying to relax as much as possible. Try to ignore those worrying thoughts. They are brought on by the anxiety. Hang in there. Let us know how you get on

 

[forestx5]

Sounds like you had a typical in patient experience, for the usual reasons. I went in because I hadn't slept in a long time, had lost a lot of weight, and was suicidal. My pdoc seduced me into checking in by promising "more intense treatment".

He wasn't telling the truth. He could have just said "it's less likely you will kill yourself if you are on our ward." Truth be told, that wouldn't have been true either. The smoking area led to the parking lot, without any restrictions. I jogged around

the hospital while I was on suicide watch. I must have looked out of place on the ward. There were some obviously ill people on the ward with me. Some middle aged lady in a business suit walked up to me, looked me right in the eye, and said

"you have choices, you know?" Then she marched off as if she had bestowed a pearl of wisdom upon me. I have no fuckin idea what she was about. I gave it some thought, and I got the hell out of there. Checked out AMA. (against medical authority).

I did learn why my pdoc didn't give any credence to my complaints of not sleeping. When I was in the hospital, the nurses did several nightly bed checks. I was in bed. I saw them crack the door every hour and peek in. They put in the report

that I was sleeping soundly. When my pdoc told me that months later, I could have choked him to fuckin death. I went 52 days without sleep, because I was wasting my time telling a doctor who didn't believe me.

I will always remember sitting in group therapy, bouncing a beach ball around the room with the other patients. They had me build a bird feeder from a kit. They charged me $475 for that project. Then, there was this psychotic young lady

who took a liking to me. She would hold my hand during group. Yeah, that was exactly what I needed. But, I did receive a kernel of useful treatment information from an elderly lady I overheard say "I don't take those pills that dry your mouth and blur your vision".

I'm here for my maintenance ECT and I go home this afternoon." 20 years later, I would have ECT myself. Now, I don't take a single psych med. I had all the symptoms you describe, and more. I went through everything you have gone through, and more.

It is all behind me now. You can get there too. Don't kill yourself until you have given ECT a chance.

 

[James_80]

I would agree with @Where too. Some of my best times, looking back, were when I was very dp'd and stepped out of my comfort zone. They were very infrequent but sometimes having dp can push you to new levels of desperation and influence you to try things you have never tried before. I have been disappointed with psychiatrists. They seem to treat me as a very odd case and someone who is extremely sensitive to drugs like I am a big wimp or something when in reality, giving someone a high dose of an antidepressant when they are so anxious that they have developed chronic dp is incompetent in my opinion. Antidepressants can raise anxiety levels in the first few weeks of taking them. One doctor seemed keen to try to prove me as psychotic and another was sceptical that there was anything wrong with me at all and treated me very suspiciously. I have a very low opinion of psychiatrists at this point but perhaps it is more due to how difficult it is to treat my particular condition using standard treatments for depression or psychosis (which dp isn't anyway). The best medication I have encountered so far is low dose SSRIs. Nothing too strong that it numbs you but enough to have a positive effect on anxiety and depression.

 

[James_80]

Sounds like you had a typical in patient experience, for the usual reasons. I went in because I hadn't slept in a long time, had lost a lot of weight, and was suicidal. My pdoc seduced me into checking in by promising "more intense treatment".

He wasn't telling the truth. He could have just said "it's less likely you will kill yourself if you are on our ward." Truth be told, that wouldn't have been true either. The smoking area led to the parking lot, without any restrictions. I jogged around

the hospital while I was on suicide watch. I must have looked out of place on the ward. There were some obviously ill people on the ward with me. Some middle aged lady in a business suit walked up to me, looked me right in the eye, and said

"you have choices, you know?" Then she marched off as if she had bestowed a pearl of wisdom upon me. I have no fuckin idea what she was about. I gave it some thought, and I got the hell out of there. Checked out AMA. (against medical authority).

I did learn why my pdoc didn't give any credence to my complaints of not sleeping. When I was in the hospital, the nurses did several nightly bed checks. I was in bed. I saw them crack the door every hour and peek in. They put in the report

that I was sleeping soundly. When my pdoc told me that months later, I could have choked him to fuckin death. I went 52 days without sleep, because I was wasting my time telling a doctor who didn't believe me.

I will always remember sitting in group therapy, bouncing a beach ball around the room with the other patients. They had me build a bird feeder from a kit. They charged me $475 for that project. Then, there was this psychotic young lady

who took a liking to me. She would hold my hand during group. Yeah, that was exactly what I needed. But, I did receive a kernel of useful treatment information from an elderly lady I overheard say "I don't take those pills that dry your mouth and blur your vision".

I'm here for my maintenance ECT and I go home this afternoon." 20 years later, I would have ECT myself. Now, I don't take a single psych med. I had all the symptoms you describe, and more. I went through everything you have gone through, and more.

It is all behind me now. You can get there too. Don't kill yourself until you have given ECT a chance.

Did your depersonalization symptoms completely clear up after the ECT? Did you have the treatment just once and have permanent relief or do you have maintenance treatment?

 

[forestx5]

All my symptoms resolved with the ECT, except for recurring ocular migraines, and my EEGs remain abnormal with waveforms indicating a history of temporal lobe seizure.

Some of those symptoms included severe insomnia, anxiety, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, emotional blunting, severe fatigue, derealization, and depersonalization.

I lived with those symptoms for 40 years and I have been free of them for 5. I had 6 or 7 induced seizures over a 2 week period. I did not require additional ECT, though

my doctor tells me it is available should I need it. I was 17 when it began. I now have a total of 22 years in the green, and 42 in the red.

My goal is to live to age 84 so I can say I only spent half my life with mental illness. I have 20 years to go!

 

[James_80]

All my symptoms resolved with the ECT, except for recurring ocular migraines, and my EEGs remain abnormal with waveforms indicating a history of temporal lobe seizure.

Some of those symptoms included severe insomnia, anxiety, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, emotional blunting, severe fatigue, derealization, and depersonalization.

I lived with those symptoms for 40 years and I have been free of them for 5. I had 6 or 7 induced seizures over a 2 week period. I did not require additional ECT, though

my doctor tells me it is available should I need it. I was 17 when it began. I now have a total of 22 years in the green, and 42 in the red.

My goal is to live to age 84 so I can say I only spent half my life with mental illness. I have 20 years to go!

If you make it to 85, you can say you lived more than half of your life without mental illness after beating it

 

[Psyborg]

believe me I have gone through anxiety episodes which I really do not think many people have had . you can trust me on that . no I am not exeggerating and nope it is not because I felt it myself aka "well everybody will feel their stuff more intensely etc." no . I mean it . the anxiety I have been through is not explainable even . it was so much anxiety man ......man ......trust me even though I know many here struggle I think when it comes to anxiety I am most likely in the 1% regarding the severity

you are with me probably in the 1%

I have also taken effexor . effexor is good for anxiety . you would need to wait a little more until you feel it kicking in . like 2 weeks or so . but then again each med is different for each person . what also helped me a lot with my anxiety when I was 19 was the medication paroxetin (also known as paxil) . but it is an older medication .

you can trust me you will NOT die and you will NOT lose your mind

if you have any questions ask me

 

[KimSavage]

I had experience with mental hospital too. I went there by myself. I was thinking they are going to try a lot of drugs, give me them while looking my reaction etc. Unfortunately I was prescribed quetiapine 200 mg/d and that's it. No improvement. So we see a question is there any sense being in-patient in hospital? For me answer is NO, nein, non,нет that's it