[rainboteers]

I just want 5 minutes where I dont think about this, I feel it all the time, and all I think about is how terrible I feel :roll:
Nothing I do distracts me enough to forget it, I just want a 5 minute break, it doesnt even have to be gone, I want to forget it for awhile....
I force my self out but it doesnt help, in fact I almost always feel worse. The level of desperation I am feeling to get back to normal is immeasurable.
I know some of you have been dealing with this much longer than 5 months and my heart goes out to you because I'm at the end of my rope. I feel like going to the hospital and telling them to induce a coma, or do ANYTHING to make this stop.

What do you do, how do you cope, when you just can't take it anymore?

 

[Guest]

unless its a mental hospital, dont go to a hospital. i remember i went to the ER one time while i was having some of the worst dp/dr of my life and they made me wait for 5 hours just to tell me that i need a therapist. i was getting ready to kill people.

just remember when your at your worst points that people have been at those same points and have completely recovered. just know that there is hope no matter what and no matter how much you dont believe.

 

[jake]

Hi rainboteers. I agree with dreamworld about trying to keep hope alive. I'm kinda pissed that the med increase I just got 13 days ago--though it is helpng---is not taking it all away. I think that is everybody's wish--that it would just stop being there. I went to an ER at University hospital years ago feeling nuts, and I knew nothing of dp or anxiety. I did wait a long time to be seen, and it was hard. They told me to go see my regular GP, and when I got the ER bill it said "Acute depression, Anxiety reaction". Well that freaked me out cuz now I had been labeled and felt more crazy. I was not in therapy at all yet at that time.
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I KNOW we are not nuts. But this stuff hurts in many ways. I've been stretching and trying to move my body around some b/cuz even though I feel weird about every second, I know i have to keep moving, keep buying and cooking food, keep doing yardwork, care for dogs, care for me.
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I feel like a terrified stranger in my own life and body. Thats why I try to move around and maybe get some blood flow. I try to deep breathe. I read. I try to watch baseball games since there is something about them that grounds me. The weather contributes to my anxiety when it gets very hot and humid b/cuz I feel closed in. And the hardest thing I been doing is trying like hell to speak to at least one other person every day.
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Some ppl live wiht others and have no choice and wish they did, LOL..I'm lucky or unlucky however you wanna look at it, I live alone. I feel like I don't want the bother of my dogs though at least once a day since this hit me hard a couple months ago.
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If you wanna try the ER theres no shame in it though. Believe it or not I see this board as a reality check lately..like if you guys are still here making the best of it I must be real too. Sending you peace and strength..Oh I pray too even though I am pissed at (my conception of) God right now..I keep thinkin, bring the body the mind will follow.

 

[peacedove]

I've gone to the hospital many times because of DP. All they did was give me xanax which helped A LOT. But now I have found a psychiatrist who will prescribe it to me so I haven't had to go there anymore to get it. After I went there and had the relief of the xanax my DP would get a little better just being in close proximity to the hospital. Sometimes I would feel better before I even saw the doctor (a very long wait a lot of the time). But you still have to pay after you check in whether u see a doc or not so I'd still stay and see one and they'd give me a few days worth of xanax.

One time though I was drunk and freaking out and screaming "put me to sleep". And they injected me with something that did just that but I had a reaction to it the following day called dystonia and had to go back to the ER again. It was horrible. So yeah if you're screaming u might get seen faster but who knows what they'll give u. I still don't know what that was. It seems like such a hassle trying to buy my records... I don't know why they just can't tell me.

Also they don't seem to know much about DP. I was crying to a doctor once, explaining my symptoms, and reached for the kleenex that was next to him and he like jumped like I was gonna kill him or something. And in the waiting room I had security on my ass cuz I was pacing. Yes I know I'm crazy. I'm sorry I'll stop rambling.

Are you on any meds? Klonopin takes the edge off for me and the first time I took xanax I was like wow is this what it's like to be relaxed? Trouble with xanax is it doesn't last long and u can build up a tolerance quick so u have to keep increasing the dose for it to work. It can also be extremely addicting.

Without meds... I don't know about you but I get racing thoughts. One time I just wrote everything that popped in my head down on paper (boy was I writing fast). It actually calmed me and I had something to show my therapist... actually I never did show him though cuz there was some suicide stuff in there and I was afraid he'd put me away.

Also try to be around funny people. I was traveling with my sister and her friends once and I have a really hard time traveling cuz of DP. But her friends are so amusing I kept finding myself smile. It didn't take it all away but it helped.

Sorry so long and rambly. Maybe this will make you feel better though... just think "well at least I'm not as crazy as this girl."

 

[rainboteers]

Thanks for the replies, I always appreciate them so much. I know the hospital cant help me... I have been taking the xanax again and it is helping me calm down.

I guess im just worn out and tired of feeling so bad all the time, but I know all of us are. Just have to hang on I guess, and hope that someday it will get a little easier.

 

[Milan]

Unfortunately endurance is the key and it seems impossible at times to keep going. Reading your post it reminded me of the times when it was so bad that you really just wanted small break so that you could simply breath a little. I have started feeling a little better lately after having some real major debilitating anxiety about 6 months ago (couldn't sleep, eat, work etc). It really hurts being in the grips of DP/DR and the worst part is that you just don't know when it's going to end. Visualise all of us here giving you one big warm bear hug to get you through these moments of total despair - I believe most of us would if we could :wink:

 

[rainboteers]

Yes that is exactly it milan, I just keep thinking when will it end!!!!!!
I just want one moment of sweet relaxing peace, JUST ONE MOMENT
I do think of all of you here, and it is part of what gets me through. :wink: