Hi.
It is five years for me soon, this september. Five years of living in the void. It's hard for me to remember how it felt to be truly alive, I just know that I haven't always been like this, felt like this. I know that this thread is full of self-pity already but really, I can't find no strength anymore to keep myself going. I have given up.
Oh, what wouldn't I give for just one day without this horrible disorder. I can see it, what I would do. I would take a walk in the park, watch the birds and trees, breath the fresh air. It's funny that things like this is what I miss the most. The beautiful world.
I have a hard time accepting that this horrible condition could be natural, or my body's own coping mechanism. Because what a defense my body has, ruining my entire life, crashing all my relationships, getting me out of school and work. A really good defense mechanism...
People talk so much, I'm very young, almost twenty. My friends, they talk about travel around the world, drive sportscars etc, you know the typical dreams youngsters has. But I would happy with my walk in the park, without this damn fog clouding my mind and vision obviously.
What shall I do when there is no help, there is no cure.
I'm in two weeks gonna see a psychiatrist and I'm looking forward to it, but still dark thoughts is killing my hope. But I hope soooo much that she can help me.
I had to get some out, sorry.
It is five years for me soon, this september. Five years of living in the void. It's hard for me to remember how it felt to be truly alive, I just know that I haven't always been like this, felt like this. I know that this thread is full of self-pity already but really, I can't find no strength anymore to keep myself going. I have given up.
Oh, what wouldn't I give for just one day without this horrible disorder. I can see it, what I would do. I would take a walk in the park, watch the birds and trees, breath the fresh air. It's funny that things like this is what I miss the most. The beautiful world.
I have a hard time accepting that this horrible condition could be natural, or my body's own coping mechanism. Because what a defense my body has, ruining my entire life, crashing all my relationships, getting me out of school and work. A really good defense mechanism...
People talk so much, I'm very young, almost twenty. My friends, they talk about travel around the world, drive sportscars etc, you know the typical dreams youngsters has. But I would happy with my walk in the park, without this damn fog clouding my mind and vision obviously.
What shall I do when there is no help, there is no cure.
I'm in two weeks gonna see a psychiatrist and I'm looking forward to it, but still dark thoughts is killing my hope. But I hope soooo much that she can help me.
I had to get some out, sorry.
