Depersonalization Support Forum banner
1 - 5 of 5 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
2 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I feel like something is clearly off.
Admittedly, my biggest fear as of this moment is learning that, in the end - nothing is wrong with me, and this is just how things are supposed to be.

I don’t feel like a real person. Trying to describe this exact feeling is hard, but something has been telling me, for quite a while now - that I lack something. Something that makes humans human. Something that gives you a sense of identity.
I look at people around me and something about them makes sense in a way that I don’t. Somehow they’re all real and I am not.

I don’t know what I want in life. I don’t even know what my favorite color is. I have a hard time identifying which things I like and so I don’t know how I can make myself happy. All my opinions are ambivalent which makes it hard for me to know my “views” regarding almost anything.
I just keep making list of things I “probably like” so I could keep track. Though, in practice I hardly know what “favorite” means.
What types of emotions do I have to experience to have the right to decide what I like most? I don’t understand. How do others know what’s ugly, what’s beautiful, to whom they’re attracted to? I don’t know.

And even if that problem didn’t exist at all - I know I’m afraid to “like” things. Sometimes when I’m alone in my room, doing something as simple as browsing pictures I have to explain to myself out loud - to what extent I like this thing or why I feel as if I like this at all. Otherwise I feel tremendous anxiety

Because of all that - I also have a hard time trusting myself. I don’t know whether my emotions and feelings are real. A part of me says that I’m just trying to manipulate myself for some reason. That “I’m just doing this for show” and so on.
Because I don’t trust myself - I don’t know if I should seek any type of help. At the end of the day, if I am “right” and all this is just some weird solo mind games - that’s yet reason to keep quiet about this.

Whenever I experience something which requires strong emotions I shut off. No matter if it's something good or bad - I simply cannot “realize” that this is happening to me and my emotions can’t reach me.

Sometimes I get this weird physical feeling as if I’m just a spectator. I may look through my eyes, but my limbs and brain just do things out of my control. This can happen while I’m waking or mid conversation. When I think about all this, it feels as if my lungs are cut in half and I can’t inhale air like I’m supposed to.
I feel like an outsider.

I guess, my question is: Do I need help or am I making this up?

At this point I really don't know. Am I even real?


P.S I don't even know if this is a right place for this kind of post, but this is my last resort. Sorry
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I feel like something is clearly off.
Admittedly, my biggest fear as of this moment is learning that, in the end - nothing is wrong with me, and this is just how things are supposed to be.

I don’t feel like a real person. Trying to describe this exact feeling is hard, but something has been telling me, for quite a while now - that I lack something. Something that makes humans human. Something that gives you a sense of identity.
I look at people around me and something about them makes sense in a way that I don’t. Somehow they’re all real and I am not.

I don’t know what I want in life. I don’t even know what my favorite color is. I have a hard time identifying which things I like and so I don’t know how I can make myself happy. All my opinions are ambivalent which makes it hard for me to know my “views” regarding almost anything.
I just keep making list of things I “probably like” so I could keep track. Though, in practice I hardly know what “favorite” means.
What types of emotions do I have to experience to have the right to decide what I like most? I don’t understand. How do others know what’s ugly, what’s beautiful, to whom they’re attracted to? I don’t know.

And even if that problem didn’t exist at all - I know I’m afraid to “like” things. Sometimes when I’m alone in my room, doing something as simple as browsing pictures I have to explain to myself out loud - to what extent I like this thing or why I feel as if I like this at all. Otherwise I feel tremendous anxiety

Because of all that - I also have a hard time trusting myself. I don’t know whether my emotions and feelings are real. A part of me says that I’m just trying to manipulate myself for some reason. That “I’m just doing this for show” and so on.
Because I don’t trust myself - I don’t know if I should seek any type of help. At the end of the day, if I am “right” and all this is just some weird solo mind games - that’s yet reason to keep quiet about this.

Whenever I experience something which requires strong emotions I shut off. No matter if it's something good or bad - I simply cannot “realize” that this is happening to me and my emotions can’t reach me.

Sometimes I get this weird physical feeling as if I’m just a spectator. I may look through my eyes, but my limbs and brain just do things out of my control. This can happen while I’m waking or mid conversation. When I think about all this, it feels as if my lungs are cut in half and I can’t inhale air like I’m supposed to.
I feel like an outsider.

I guess, my question is: Do I need help or am I making this up?

At this point I really don't know. Am I even real?


P.S I don't even know if this is a right place for this kind of post, but this is my last resort. Sorry
Hi I have also been suffering with this strange feeling of not being real and feeling like I don’t no myself anymore. It’s absolutely terrifying! I have to keep trying to convince myself that I am real. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks but this feeling of not being human is the worst! I sometimes pull myself out of it but then it just comes back again. Don’t no how much longer I can live this way. When I speak to mental health nurse or doctors I feel like they don’t no what I’m talking about as this is so hard to explain how I’m feeling.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
27 Posts
For the OP, i recoommend you to start a Therapy, as it would help you to Explore yourself and your emotions/lack of emotional connection

Some things are more indept, and need a lot of insight into one's life and experiences.

I also feel like iam making things up or stuff like that, but i think this thought comes from the Lack of connection to my own Feelings and memories which came with my Dp/Dr.

Seek help, if you need help - its a good first step that you are looking for answers :)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1 Posts
I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I feel like something is clearly off.
Admittedly, my biggest fear as of this moment is learning that, in the end - nothing is wrong with me, and this is just how things are supposed to be.

I don’t feel like a real person. Trying to describe this exact feeling is hard, but something has been telling me, for quite a while now - that I lack something. Something that makes humans human. Something that gives you a sense of identity.
I look at people around me and something about them makes sense in a way that I don’t. Somehow they’re all real and I am not.

I don’t know what I want in life. I don’t even know what my favorite color is. I have a hard time identifying which things I like and so I don’t know how I can make myself happy. All my opinions are ambivalent which makes it hard for me to know my “views” regarding almost anything.
I just keep making list of things I “probably like” so I could keep track. Though, in practice I hardly know what “favorite” means.
What types of emotions do I have to experience to have the right to decide what I like most? I don’t understand. How do others know what’s ugly, what’s beautiful, to whom they’re attracted to? I don’t know.

And even if that problem didn’t exist at all - I know I’m afraid to “like” things. Sometimes when I’m alone in my room, doing something as simple as browsing pictures I have to explain to myself out loud - to what extent I like this thing or why I feel as if I like this at all. Otherwise I feel tremendous anxiety

Because of all that - I also have a hard time trusting myself. I don’t know whether my emotions and feelings are real. A part of me says that I’m just trying to manipulate myself for some reason. That “I’m just doing this for show” and so on.
Because I don’t trust myself - I don’t know if I should seek any type of help. At the end of the day, if I am “right” and all this is just some weird solo mind games - that’s yet reason to keep quiet about this.

Whenever I experience something which requires strong emotions I shut off. No matter if it's something good or bad - I simply cannot “realize” that this is happening to me and my emotions can’t reach me.

Sometimes I get this weird physical feeling as if I’m just a spectator. I may look through my eyes, but my limbs and brain just do things out of my control. This can happen while I’m waking or mid conversation. When I think about all this, it feels as if my lungs are cut in half and I can’t inhale air like I’m supposed to.
I feel like an outsider.

I guess, my question is: Do I need help or am I making this up?

At this point I really don't know. Am I even real?


P.S I don't even know if this is a right place for this kind of post, but this is my last resort. Sorry
I know exactly what you are feeling and experiencing. I had the exact same issue since childhood, still struggling with it but I’ve made some progress with medication and now I have finally gotten my diagnosis which is depersonalization.

My jaw dropped when you described the way you feel like everyone else has something you seem to lack, it’s like you took the words out of my mouth. I literally thought I was the only one who felt this way.

I used to think I didn’t have a personality of my own, no preferences like what’s my favorite color as you mentioned, no personal oppinions, basically no individuality. I felt like I wasn’t human like everyone else.
But it wasn’t that I lacked any of those things, I was just not in touch with myself.
You are definitely human, you are an individual, you have a “self”, you are just not in touch with that self for some reason that you need to explore and figure out.
Once you can sense yourself, tap into yourself you will have access to sensing/feeling and experiencing your humanity, your presence, who you are, what you stand for etc.
You need to find, preferably with professional help, what is causing the disconnect within yourself.

In my case it was anxiety related and linked to trauma, growing up in an unsafe household.
For me, anti-anxiety medications minimized my anxiety to a degree that I personally couldn’t achieve with therapy alone, that is ..preventing me from constantly entering a state of being overwhelmed about life, and once that was under better controI my true self began to surface and literally discovered myself as a human being.

I would advice you to look deeply within yourself and try to find answers to what could be pushing you so far out of your center, is there anything that triggers anxiety or makes you feel overwhelmed?
Don’t be afraid to seek help from a professional and most importantly, don’t give up.

Hugs to you friend
 
1 - 5 of 5 Posts
Top