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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I don't care anymore. What the fuck. I could not sleep the whole night.

Finally, at five o'clock I got some sleep.

At like two in the morning I had an anxiety fit, I can't tell you.
My whole body was shaking. I pressed my jaws together, the result was me grinding my teeth because I was shaking so much.
I thought I wouldn't get off from that anxiety level, be hospitalized and such crap. After like twenty minutes I could calm down a bit. But still could not sleep. I listend to mp3s, put in an album and played it like twice or so, watched a movie and read an entire comic book. To no avail.

I am too tired to care. My family's voices sound so far away, I don't even look into their eyes. I feel like so far away and withdrawn into myself. I watch myself and know it is bad. Like withdrawing and such, but I am too weak to care or change it. I don't know, I don't even fear of going crazy anymore. I mean, who cares.

I think I'll call my neighbor to hang around with him, maybe that helps. He's funny and all, maybe that makes me concentrate a bit.

Even looking at the screen is to much for me now. I don't know, I don't want to go to bed now cause that disturbs my whole sleep schedule. Gotta stay up all day. HmmmmmmmmHmmmmmm.
 
G

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I don't care anymore. What the fuck. I could not sleep the whole night.

Finally, at five o'clock I got some sleep.

At like two in the morning I had an anxiety fit, I can't tell you.
My whole body was shaking. I pressed my jaws together, the result was me grinding my teeth because I was shaking so much.
I thought I wouldn't get off from that anxiety level, be hospitalized and such crap. After like twenty minutes I could calm down a bit. But still could not sleep. I listend to mp3s, put in an album and played it like twice or so, watched a movie and read an entire comic book. To no avail.

I am too tired to care. My family's voices sound so far away, I don't even look into their eyes. I feel like so far away and withdrawn into myself. I watch myself and know it is bad. Like withdrawing and such, but I am too weak to care or change it. I don't know, I don't even fear of going crazy anymore. I mean, who cares.

I think I'll call my neighbor to hang around with him, maybe that helps. He's funny and all, maybe that makes me concentrate a bit.

Even looking at the screen is to much for me now. I don't know, I don't want to go to bed now cause that disturbs my whole sleep schedule. Gotta stay up all day. HmmmmmmmmHmmmmmm.
 
G

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I feel like I didn't exist. Nothing's real.

Just came back from playing table tennis with my brother, I was so dped the air was almost flickering outside. Anyhow I won the match.

If I can't sleep this night, I end up in the hospital, no illusions.
I cannot even take a benzo because I abused them like half a year ago and since this time I am oversensitized, that means when I take a pill I am thrown into panic instantly. So I don't even have a clue what to do if I can't fall asleep this night.

But I value your reply, angela.
I just feel like now my time has come to break apart totally.Well, in the hospital they might have very strong tranquilizers, like when I lose it they can induce an artificial coma, well then I can sleep.
 
G

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I feel like I didn't exist. Nothing's real.

Just came back from playing table tennis with my brother, I was so dped the air was almost flickering outside. Anyhow I won the match.

If I can't sleep this night, I end up in the hospital, no illusions.
I cannot even take a benzo because I abused them like half a year ago and since this time I am oversensitized, that means when I take a pill I am thrown into panic instantly. So I don't even have a clue what to do if I can't fall asleep this night.

But I value your reply, angela.
I just feel like now my time has come to break apart totally.Well, in the hospital they might have very strong tranquilizers, like when I lose it they can induce an artificial coma, well then I can sleep.
 
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