i should be somewhere else...

I don't feel that i should be still here.
Im more gone than ever. Im more messed up than ever. i feel more depressed than ever. more like crazy. im becoming more serious about this im no longer thinking that "nah.. im just too serious.. this cannot be so bad.. this will pass if i just do somethig different." but it will not. it never does. thing it does it just gets worse and worse. i feel that i should be dead that i have died long time ago.. but im still here hanging. it feels that my time in this world is over. everything what has happend to me over these 2 years. is broven me that noone cares. and everything goes always wrong. people act like i dont exist anymore. it all just happened. i watched when it happened. i screamed. i tryed everything but nothing helped. i think it could be possible me to heal but everything happened wrongly which made my state even bader and more faraway from being able to heal. how some people have this and others dont. i just wanna know that im safe. because i feel im totally not safe and will never go to freedom. if i die will i go somewhere better!? will i get back my soul??