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I don't feel that i should be still here.
Im more gone than ever. Im more messed up than ever. i feel more depressed than ever. more like crazy. im becoming more serious about this im no longer thinking that "nah.. im just too serious.. this cannot be so bad.. this will pass if i just do somethig different." but it will not. it never does. thing it does it just gets worse and worse. i feel that i should be dead that i have died long time ago.. but im still here hanging. it feels that my time in this world is over. everything what has happend to me over these 2 years. is broven me that noone cares. and everything goes always wrong. people act like i dont exist anymore. it all just happened. i watched when it happened. i screamed. i tryed everything but nothing helped. i think it could be possible me to heal but everything happened wrongly which made my state even bader and more faraway from being able to heal. how some people have this and others dont. i just wanna know that im safe. because i feel im totally not safe and will never go to freedom. if i die will i go somewhere better!? will i get back my soul??
 

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Dude, you are traumatizing yourself and no disrespect to you and others here, but I notice that a lot of depressed peeps here also tend to post depressing songs, videos and images (profile pics, etc) This will NOT help your cause. This is a form of self-defeat, admitting to a crime you didn't commit!

You are not alright...I can tell. I'm not gonna lie here and paint you butterflies. The road you have traveled has been shitty but guess what? You did 2 years!

2 freaking years! It takes a strong mind to endure that much and so I believe you can do the same and channel that fortitude and resiliency toward something positive.

What have you tried?
Supplements, activities, meds, etc?

Reply when you can.

p.s Looks to me like you are spiritual, so let me give you some consolidating words regarding the soul.

YOU DID NOT LOSE YOUR SOUL! Your soul is with you, it is in fact why you were able to endure this crap. Your soul is hurt, yes, but not as hurt as you, your mind...your body.

It is the soul -- the spirit that will guide you back and shake you off this nightmare. BUT you must believe, since if you believe in souls then believe the maker, the one that breathed that into you, gave you an indestructible essence and in times of true peril it will guide you.
 
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