[jc]

not so long ago i was visited by a so called therapist,her job was to help me with agrophobic symptoms,well we had 3 sessions and she said,i cant see you anymore as you are capable of doing the basics...going to the shop...going into town etc...
she said in front of my parents that if i lived on my own id probably turn into an alcoholic because i use drink to get over the panic rather than popping pills...i told her she was talking shite

well my folks have been away for around 4 and a half weeks now and in this past week and a half my routine is as follows

wake 1pm
have breakfast
bring douvet cover downstairs and sit on sofa watching tv
get up around 3pm
i still fell like crap so i open up two cans of strong beer
then i feel confident and energized
water plants
empty dishwasher
do the hoovering
basically i feel motivated to everything !
6pm goto shops buy 6 pack of beers
watch tv,play music,go on the internet...
4am go to sleep

doesnt sound very productive does it ?

 

[jc]

not so long ago i was visited by a so called therapist,her job was to help me with agrophobic symptoms,well we had 3 sessions and she said,i cant see you anymore as you are capable of doing the basics...going to the shop...going into town etc...
she said in front of my parents that if i lived on my own id probably turn into an alcoholic because i use drink to get over the panic rather than popping pills...i told her she was talking shite

well my folks have been away for around 4 and a half weeks now and in this past week and a half my routine is as follows

wake 1pm
have breakfast
bring douvet cover downstairs and sit on sofa watching tv
get up around 3pm
i still fell like crap so i open up two cans of strong beer
then i feel confident and energized
water plants
empty dishwasher
do the hoovering
basically i feel motivated to everything !
6pm goto shops buy 6 pack of beers
watch tv,play music,go on the internet...
4am go to sleep

doesnt sound very productive does it ?

 

[terri*]

welllll...you are getting things done to some degree.

yeah, when you see it on paper it isn't a very active thing you have going on.

if you were at my house and slept till 1 pm, i'd have to give you a good kick in the arse. and i must say the 2 hour lounge on the couch is not serving any purpose. good arse kicking for that one, too.

JC, my dear, you need to at least try to volunteer for something. Even if it only starts out 1 hour a week. you need something to be present for. fortunately for me, i have a husband who keeps me motivated..."You aren't going to stay in your pajama's all day, are you??" me, in my head..."well yes, i had planned on staying in my jams all day, but i guess i'll get up now that you have ruined it for me".

JC, you just need to formulate some kind of life for yourself. You have done so much work on getting your head together, now just get off your duff and be something besides what sounds like some form of vegetable...eggplant, zucchinni, potato?

for me rescueing the downtrodden (enabler) and taking care of the sickly (caregiver) seem to be what brings me out of myself. hey, the world is a mess...go save something! :wink:

terri

 

[terri*]

welllll...you are getting things done to some degree.

yeah, when you see it on paper it isn't a very active thing you have going on.

if you were at my house and slept till 1 pm, i'd have to give you a good kick in the arse. and i must say the 2 hour lounge on the couch is not serving any purpose. good arse kicking for that one, too.

JC, my dear, you need to at least try to volunteer for something. Even if it only starts out 1 hour a week. you need something to be present for. fortunately for me, i have a husband who keeps me motivated..."You aren't going to stay in your pajama's all day, are you??" me, in my head..."well yes, i had planned on staying in my jams all day, but i guess i'll get up now that you have ruined it for me".

JC, you just need to formulate some kind of life for yourself. You have done so much work on getting your head together, now just get off your duff and be something besides what sounds like some form of vegetable...eggplant, zucchinni, potato?

for me rescueing the downtrodden (enabler) and taking care of the sickly (caregiver) seem to be what brings me out of myself. hey, the world is a mess...go save something! :wink:

terri

 

[Kelson12]

I agree..."You gotta get up, get out, and get something...Before the days of your life pass you by!"

For the time that I have been on this site (about a year and a half), I must say that I have seen alot of progress in you JC. Now it is time to go out and maybe just get a part-time job. What is holding you back from trying? At least it is worth a shot! You have to much to offer to merely sleep and couch potato your life away! Take care,

Kelson

 

[Kelson12]

I agree..."You gotta get up, get out, and get something...Before the days of your life pass you by!"

For the time that I have been on this site (about a year and a half), I must say that I have seen alot of progress in you JC. Now it is time to go out and maybe just get a part-time job. What is holding you back from trying? At least it is worth a shot! You have to much to offer to merely sleep and couch potato your life away! Take care,

Kelson

 

[jc]

this is going to sound like a real cop out,but this i feel is progress....i know its a bit ironic but believe me when i say that being able to sit in front of the tv for 30 seconds let alone two hours is a god send....there was a time when i just wasnt able to just sit !
im just trying to do these things without feeling guilt...during the day i am a real busy bee,i have no choice im on my own and i sympathise with any house wife/husband as its far far easier to be at work....im just making the most of having 5 weeks on my own but guilt is getting the better of me....and i suppose yet again to coin a phrase (double edged sword) im not sure if im getting better or just accepting what is happening to me,either way yes it is an obvious improvement for whatever reason

 

[jc]

this is going to sound like a real cop out,but this i feel is progress....i know its a bit ironic but believe me when i say that being able to sit in front of the tv for 30 seconds let alone two hours is a god send....there was a time when i just wasnt able to just sit !
im just trying to do these things without feeling guilt...during the day i am a real busy bee,i have no choice im on my own and i sympathise with any house wife/husband as its far far easier to be at work....im just making the most of having 5 weeks on my own but guilt is getting the better of me....and i suppose yet again to coin a phrase (double edged sword) im not sure if im getting better or just accepting what is happening to me,either way yes it is an obvious improvement for whatever reason

 

[terri*]

you are getting better and it's definitely a great improvement from whence you came.

you asked if it sounded prouctive. well, from laying in bed all day to the things you listed then it does. and yes, working around the house can keep anyone very occupied.

what do you mean then that "guilt is getting the better of me"?

we're just so happy to see your progress, I guess we just think you can keep going for it. can't believe you've been alone for 4 1/2 weeks. before it would have been ongoing trauma for you.

You Are So Much Better no matter which way you slice it !
terri

 

[terri*]

you are getting better and it's definitely a great improvement from whence you came.

you asked if it sounded prouctive. well, from laying in bed all day to the things you listed then it does. and yes, working around the house can keep anyone very occupied.

what do you mean then that "guilt is getting the better of me"?

we're just so happy to see your progress, I guess we just think you can keep going for it. can't believe you've been alone for 4 1/2 weeks. before it would have been ongoing trauma for you.

You Are So Much Better no matter which way you slice it !
terri

 

[jc]

thanks terri
this whole guilt thing is the problem,when my folks are here the last thing i do is sit around,but when they went away i said i was going to lounge about with the sattelite remote to myself and do not very much,but if i have a lay in bed and if i sprawl out on the settee for too long i get this feeling of 'im enjoying this too much and others are out working'

does this make sense

i try to tell myself that ive worked constantly for the past eighteen years,but this guilt still floats over me,i wish i was a pot smoking stoner then i wouldnt care what anyone thinks.....
i think if i knew i was on my own indeffinately i wouod at somestage snap out of my lazy period

 

[jc]

thanks terri
this whole guilt thing is the problem,when my folks are here the last thing i do is sit around,but when they went away i said i was going to lounge about with the sattelite remote to myself and do not very much,but if i have a lay in bed and if i sprawl out on the settee for too long i get this feeling of 'im enjoying this too much and others are out working'

does this make sense

i try to tell myself that ive worked constantly for the past eighteen years,but this guilt still floats over me,i wish i was a pot smoking stoner then i wouldnt care what anyone thinks.....
i think if i knew i was on my own indeffinately i wouod at somestage snap out of my lazy period

 

[DM]

JC,

why are you still living with your parents? How old are you? You are a grown up MAN. And you should build your own future: home, woman, kids...if not, doesn't matter...colour it your way! As long it is your way!

You'll be probably reading this while holding a can of beer and cursing me...Put it aside...And read my words with caution...I am not an enemy...I want to tell you something...something which could help you...

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop analyzing yourself and everything around here...Start to live!

Your parents are still holding your hand - well, if they let you go you'll fall...that is for sure...but by falling and feeling the pain you'll learn to walk...

You are afraid of becoming the MAN you are - although you look like a lean mean fighting machine

You are not in control of your life - your TO-DO lists are nothing more than something you are using to get a grip, to get control...It gives you a feeling of control. It's an illusion! You try to control the dynamics of life...

Where is spontaneous living, enjoying life and facing with courage all the uncertainties? A brave MAN does not need scripts to live! A brave MAN simply fulfills his needs!

Let go...Be a MAN, and fight your own battle...Win some - lose some. But don't be a coward (never). The fear of losing restricts also your capacity of doing courageous and bold things. Like Churchill did - no victory without loss...You are turning yourself into a robot - an avoidant, moaning, out of control...well, something. But you are a human - you want something irrational; don't think about it - get it!

Let go of the past - it's gone. Remember the nice and the bad things. The future is bright, though uncertain...Colour it with your inspiration - we all want to see it...We want to see you!

Because you are too afraid to engage in combat of life during the day you drink in the evening...

True?

You know that I am right :wink:

Cheers mate!

 

[DM]

JC,

why are you still living with your parents? How old are you? You are a grown up MAN. And you should build your own future: home, woman, kids...if not, doesn't matter...colour it your way! As long it is your way!

You'll be probably reading this while holding a can of beer and cursing me...Put it aside...And read my words with caution...I am not an enemy...I want to tell you something...something which could help you...

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop analyzing yourself and everything around here...Start to live!

Your parents are still holding your hand - well, if they let you go you'll fall...that is for sure...but by falling and feeling the pain you'll learn to walk...

You are afraid of becoming the MAN you are - although you look like a lean mean fighting machine

You are not in control of your life - your TO-DO lists are nothing more than something you are using to get a grip, to get control...It gives you a feeling of control. It's an illusion! You try to control the dynamics of life...

Where is spontaneous living, enjoying life and facing with courage all the uncertainties? A brave MAN does not need scripts to live! A brave MAN simply fulfills his needs!

Let go...Be a MAN, and fight your own battle...Win some - lose some. But don't be a coward (never). The fear of losing restricts also your capacity of doing courageous and bold things. Like Churchill did - no victory without loss...You are turning yourself into a robot - an avoidant, moaning, out of control...well, something. But you are a human - you want something irrational; don't think about it - get it!

Let go of the past - it's gone. Remember the nice and the bad things. The future is bright, though uncertain...Colour it with your inspiration - we all want to see it...We want to see you!

Because you are too afraid to engage in combat of life during the day you drink in the evening...

True?

You know that I am right :wink:

Cheers mate!

 

[Kelson12]

I agree with what Des says to the fullest. You aren't gonna learn to walk if you don't fall and keep getting back up. But you will never learn to walk if you don't let yourself fall. And JC, you are just doing enough in life to maintain, so that you never do fall. It's okay to fall, that's how we all learn.
Sure, I fall all the time...when I have a bad week at work, but I don't quit my job and hide, I dust myself off and restart and go at it again and then I have a good week and feel more confident and better about myself. I used to go out of town and feel so anxious and DPed building up to it, but not once did I cancel the trip. I just went, enjoyed it as much as I could and now when I take trips I usually don't get as DPed, anxious, etc.
It's okay to fall.
But like Des said, by falling you may feel some pain, but you will learn to walk! JUST DO IT!
Take care,

Kelson

 

[Kelson12]

I agree with what Des says to the fullest. You aren't gonna learn to walk if you don't fall and keep getting back up. But you will never learn to walk if you don't let yourself fall. And JC, you are just doing enough in life to maintain, so that you never do fall. It's okay to fall, that's how we all learn.
Sure, I fall all the time...when I have a bad week at work, but I don't quit my job and hide, I dust myself off and restart and go at it again and then I have a good week and feel more confident and better about myself. I used to go out of town and feel so anxious and DPed building up to it, but not once did I cancel the trip. I just went, enjoyed it as much as I could and now when I take trips I usually don't get as DPed, anxious, etc.
It's okay to fall.
But like Des said, by falling you may feel some pain, but you will learn to walk! JUST DO IT!
Take care,

Kelson

 

[peacedove]

Wow, that looks a lot like my schedule not too long ago. And even before that I wasn't even cleaning.

 

[peacedove]

Wow, that looks a lot like my schedule not too long ago. And even before that I wasn't even cleaning.

 

[sleepingbeauty]

your schedule sounds like mine jc. eccept i use court tv and ice cream to fight off my woes. do i care that my booty is getting bigger? HELL YES!!! am i going to do anything about it? well, i want to. more than anything. but do i? NO. why? cause its so much more convinient and easy to just cop out. i look forward to feeding my face and vegetating. i live my life in my head. i think of all the things i want to do and i live them, in my mind. thats not what i want of course. but its the easy way to do it. cause i dont have to go through the grueling process of actually making it happen for myself.

IM A COP OUT.

what des said was perfect. great motivation. life isnt really lived until you start living it for yourself. your parents are loving, kind, patient, ENABLERS. i know cause im in the same boat with my mom. shed rather provide for me than me living my life and something terrible happens to me. so its easier for her to just take care of me and know im ok. BUT IM NOT OK! ill never be ok if im living in this golden cage! neither will you jc! there has to be a point where it has to STOP! you and i are both holding the key to our golden cage. its high time we use the fricken thing dont you think??

 

[sleepingbeauty]

your schedule sounds like mine jc. eccept i use court tv and ice cream to fight off my woes. do i care that my booty is getting bigger? HELL YES!!! am i going to do anything about it? well, i want to. more than anything. but do i? NO. why? cause its so much more convinient and easy to just cop out. i look forward to feeding my face and vegetating. i live my life in my head. i think of all the things i want to do and i live them, in my mind. thats not what i want of course. but its the easy way to do it. cause i dont have to go through the grueling process of actually making it happen for myself.

IM A COP OUT.

what des said was perfect. great motivation. life isnt really lived until you start living it for yourself. your parents are loving, kind, patient, ENABLERS. i know cause im in the same boat with my mom. shed rather provide for me than me living my life and something terrible happens to me. so its easier for her to just take care of me and know im ok. BUT IM NOT OK! ill never be ok if im living in this golden cage! neither will you jc! there has to be a point where it has to STOP! you and i are both holding the key to our golden cage. its high time we use the fricken thing dont you think??