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So let me briefly explain how my life has been going downhill just because of a simple mistake.

1 month and 2 weeks ago I was kinda drunk then i took 3 puffs of Spice (k2). then after a few minutes i blacked out. i was stuck in a thought loop, couldnt control my body, seen the footage from the security cameras, i was freaking out but i didnt know anything until i have seen the footage. it was hell and it lasted like an hour or 2 at max but for me it was like 12 hours lets say.

i woke up in my bed, my friend had slept with me. he told me i threw up a lot on our way home and i was talking nonsense. since then i dont feel the same.

i remember that i thought im in a dream, but that lasted like 2-3 days, then i became extremely anxious, and close people looked unfamiliar to me. like my girlfriend, my home, everything.

when i woke up its like i didnt live before.

first week was terrible. it was confusing, blurry, couldnt sleep at night, vivid dreams, waking up every 2 hours.

life had no point. a few days after i was at a party, and i remember having a lot of existential thoughts and vision blur. i was asking myself whats the point of having fun, i felt EXTREMELY detached from there. like my body was there but my mind not.

now (i think) im much better (going to gym, taking vitamins etc) but im still anxious. i dont have that vision blur anymore but i have weird obsessions and i feel so detached sometimes. i know everything is real and im not dreaming but i just feel detached from reality. like im on autopilot.

i think i became hyper aware or something. i had weird obsessions. first i was obsessed about the fact that i am SOMEONE, that i have a body, that we are in a society where everyone controls a body. it felt like i was going crazy because i would never have such questions before.

i have 0 motivation, i'm skipping university. with my friends i seem to be happy, i am pretty much like before but i dont really feel like im there anymore.

i dont know what to do...i'm seeing a therapist but that doesnt seem to help. its just a waste of money i think. they have so little experience with this stuff.

i still dont get good sleep. better than i used to get it 1 month ago though. i have a lot of dreams, not as vivid as they used to be but still.

i dont even enjoy sitting at the computer anymore.

sometimes i feel like im trapped in my body.

every activity i do seems to be a routine to what i used to be. it seems that the man that i was has died 1 month ago..

i dont wanna go on pills. i dont want to be addicted to benzos. i have never taken any medicine for my mental health before. never had sleep problems...was just a normal 21 years old guy.

i live in regret every day because i was so happy with my life.
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