[mistyblack899]

And it's sad. Who was I before that? I had an account on this site back then (andrea.. something?) and during that time I was posting in a deep state of fear from DPD and seemed to be going through an immense change in my personalty then. I know my account was banned here because I was arguing with people and acting crazy in the chat room. That wasn't like me.. or who I was before 2014 but that's when the personality shifts began.

Eight years later and I still have memory impairment (started in 2014) and deep anhedonia. 2014 was also the year I lost my hygiene. I literally wasn't bathing or brushing my teeth the entire year. I had panic attacks every day and INTENSE DPD every single freaking day of the year. I remember walking around my neighbourhood back then and not being able to find my way back to my house back I had so much DP. The terror was high.

Again with my hygiene I literally have to remind myself to do these things and I have gotten it back. I feel like the hygiene thing was related to a sequencing problem in my brain that started during the DP attack eight years ago. This has also affected my memory, mostly short term. Executive function is impaired as well as a desire to socialize. I just feel as though I got brain damaged back then. I don't know what else to make of it so I decided to come back to the very place (this site) that I went when these symptoms began. I wish I could make sens of this.

I have lost so many parts of myself after this ordeal.

 

[Aridity]

I think the only way you can asses structural brain damage is through an MRI.. which I highly doubt will show anything. I think your psyche is damaged not your brain. This whole DPDR experience is traumatic itself.. and I feel like my personality has changed ALOT as well throughout the years.. but I still hope I am still there somewhere hidden...

 

[silverkid]

I thought I had brain damage too, ngl, got a scan back in 2013 and it was nothing..

 

[mistyblack899]

I think the only way you can asses structural brain damage is through an MRI.. which I highly doubt will show anything. I think your psyche is damaged not your brain. This whole DPDR experience is traumatic itself.. and I feel like my personality has changed ALOT as well throughout the years.. but I still hope I am still there somewhere hidden...

What will never be explained is why the memory loss and other cognitive changes coincided with DP 8 years ago? These impairments never went away. By 2015 my ''DP'' was technically gone and my reality processing was regular but there were so many cognitive impairments that had set in. I don't know what to make of it. Another terrifying thing is I had frequent nose bleeds through most of 2014 especially during the worse DP episodes. Numb hands and fingers too. This wasn't something that happened before or ever happened again (nose bleeds and numb limbs).

I hope I didn't have a stroke back then.

 

[Trith]

What will never be explained is why the memory loss and other cognitive changes coincided with DP 8 years ago? These impairments never went away. By 2015 my ''DP'' was technically gone and my reality processing was regular but there were so many cognitive impairments that had set in. I don't know what to make of it. Another terrifying thing is I had frequent nose bleeds through most of 2014 especially during the worse DP episodes. Numb hands and fingers too. This wasn't something that happened before or ever happened again (nose bleeds and numb limbs).

I hope I didn't have a stroke back then.

Stress can cause a lot of physiological symptoms. I know a woman who lost her sight and sensations in her fingers because of stress and depression. But of course it's better to ask a doctor. I believe some medical exams can show if a stroke has happened.

 

[Aridity]

What will never be explained is why the memory loss and other cognitive changes coincided with DP 8 years ago? These impairments never went away. By 2015 my ''DP'' was technically gone and my reality processing was regular but there were so many cognitive impairments that had set in. I don't know what to make of it. Another terrifying thing is I had frequent nose bleeds through most of 2014 especially during the worse DP episodes. Numb hands and fingers too. This wasn't something that happened before or ever happened again (nose bleeds and numb limbs).

I hope I didn't have a stroke back then.

Then do an MRI.. I am sorry that if you have these issues for so long then why haven't you done some brain scans to rule out everything.

 

[Michael21]

Do you have any history of head trauma?

 

[forestx5]

I had a neuro/psych trauma at age 17. I wouldn't figure it out for 40 years. It started with an epigastric/abdominal aura and segued into a temporal lobe seizure which featured about 30 epileptic discharges. It fried my limbic system. My post ictal psychosis segued into an affective disorder of recurrent major depression. Every 8 years, I went back down the hole. It would take 2 years to climb back out. Over 40 years I went down 4 times and each was an epic struggle for survival. Severe insomnia, weight loss of more than 15% body mass, couldn't bathe or care for myself. Hospitalized on 3 occasions. During the 8 years I was not actively mentally ill (comparatively, anyway), I experienced frequent focal temporal seizures, blinding migraine aura, intrusive thoughts, etc., etc. Yes, my personality changed. I had 7 induced grand mals in 2013 and have been relatively free of psych symptoms since. No psych meds for almost 10 years. I had an EEG and MRI in 2011 and the EEG showed significant pathology in my dominant temporal lobe, consistent with a history of epilepsy. I was told I was disabled, and began receiving benefits. I had already taken an early retirement so it was just another check. I have no problem relating that part of me died on a warm winters night in 1971. I found a case history in neuro research paper that matched my experience to a T. It said I was suffering from a rare and difficult to diagnose epileptic syndrome. Well, they never did diagnose me. I did it myself. They had "bigger fish to fry". Looking back, I could forgive myself if I had committed suicide as a teen. The road has been long and difficult. I believe my seizure at age 17 was a self destruct mechanism. I wasn't made for this life. I was an emotionally abused kid with no hope for the future. Something in my brain said "let's do him a favor". Well, it only wounded me. Then I had to work harder at life than I ever intended. I no longer believe I will die in a depressive episode. I've experienced the average number of episodes. I have heart disease and underwent 5 bypasses on my beating heart about 20 years ago. They don't warranty that stuff forever. I have Afib now, and am not a candidate for ablation. I will have to live with it. I had a DVT last month. Pulmonary edemas. Things just start piling up. The wife has Covid, so I'm sleeping downstairs. That's all I need. Keep up the good fight if you want to survive. For whatever it may be worth.