I need some encouregemnt

Hello, I'm new here.

First of all, I want to apologize for my English which isn't perfect since I live in Israel and I don't know english that well.

I'm 17 years old, had dp/dr about a month and a half ago. It lasted about a week. It was the worst week of my life, I can't even begin to explain it, and I won't.

I got over it, don't know why really. After abotu a week I was normal again, and continued to be normal for about 3 weeks. About a week/2 weeks ago I had a weird dizziness and dp feeling, I got scared, and dp came back. It never went away since then, at least not really.

The thing is, I don't really have dp. I don't feel very "out of myself" and I don't have feeling of being dosconnected. What I do have is something else: sort of a brain fog.

Everything seems sort of dark and a bit different, like I can't really see anything far from me (not physically though). This lasts most of the day, and I don't really know whats causing it.

It seems like I'm ok sometimes, but maybe I'm just convincing myself it is so.

I don't know if this is caused purely because I'm worried, or because I really have something. It bothers me very much and I'm quite frightend.

I get sad very often. Its hard to exlain, all of it, my whole life. My life was always sort of weird. I had many thoughts ever since I remember myself. I remember short DP periods when I was as little as 8 years old, many times they came as a direct result of thinking... I used to think about philisophy a lot... about life, about our brain and what "self" means.It seems like my brain couldn't cope with it. I had sort of DR periods as well... feeling like I'm looking at the world through some different view, it all seemed different.

I have tears in my eyes right now. Perhaps because I know that I wish somebody could understand what I feel and felt during all this years, during all my life, and knowing no one will ever understand it the way I want him to, or maybe because I'm so afraid I won't be myself again... I miss those times... I wish to be me again .... I wish it soo much...