and i feel like i can relate to a lot of what you're describing here. especially the part about thinking everyone thinks you're crazy and feeling like you actually are. i have literally felt that exact way since i was a kid.
same happened to me on weed, here's my advice: don't get high alone, and especially don't get high alone and at night/in the dark at the same time. i literally experienced p much everything u described when u got high and i've been smoking weed for a while and i never got any of those symptoms when i was in a group, in public, or even just with one friend. just when i was alone and at night.
i mean, that, or quit weed altogether.
"I take criticism well, but nobody tells me why they stopped talking to me so now I'm stuck in a rut" i feel this! i tell people all the time that literally nothing offends me, to feel free to call me out on anything i do- and i really do respond to criticism so well. and beyond that, i crave it. i really want to better myself and i feel like i can't unless the people around me tell me what i'm doing wrong. but people hardly ever do, and i've lost alot of friends and they never tell me why. (and i've even asked)
also i'm an agnostic and i have legit prayed to mf god multiple times despite 99% not believing in his existence. while under the influence of shit. because i like convinced myself it was necessary idk, or i hoped that maybe if i did then he'd hear my prayers or whatever the fck and snap his fingies and boom. every problem in my life? gone.
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