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i had a really bad experience with my derealization yesterday and i wish i could just die in my sleep im sick of dealing with this shit.. i had it since i was a kid and once it gets bad i start get on edge and just hating everything around me

i try to calm down but that just makes it worse like i cant even play a game or do anything its like my mind is racing so fast that i cant catch up so i try really hard to concentrate to hide what im feeling to look like im ok but that doesnt really matter cause i start sweating alot.. also i take like 2-3 showers a day cause it helps alittle

anyways

i masterbate alot i mean not as much as i use too cause i think masterbation is the cause of me having really bad episodes of depersonalization or derealization i mean yea i still get it even if im not masterbating for awhile but i can atleast manage it better... i also vape which vaping never triggered my derealization it was like a cure to me it helped me to relax to actually enjoy myself for abit.. i didnt vape yesterday cause it wasnt helping at all..

i also felt extremely weak for like an hour yesterday which i know thats from masterbating cause i masterbated the other night and whenever i do masterbate alot its like i gotta eat or else i feel weak i start to get better after like 4 days i know everyone says masterbating doesnt cause anything but i think thats bullshit tbh lol

btw im 19 living with my parents ofc mostly cause its hard for me to get out in the world i once had a job for about 2 an half weeks but i quit cause of my derealization its like i have to be at home all the time to isolate myself i mean i can go other places or hangout with my old friend but sometimes i wanna be alone.. sorry if i dont make much sense i tried my best explaining all this im just having a hard time

oh yea i have a hard time socializing cause i feel like a different person and its like i have to fight with myself or just stay quiet i also zone out alot so i start hating myself and i also cant go to certain places or really do much cause of the way it looks ikr? im weird also shit starts to feel unreal and that makes me want to punch or kick something to atleast feel something which is why i shower or if im fighting with myself

the most annoying part of me is everytime i dont feel right or myself like just plain off i have to look at myself in the mirror to atleast feel me or sometimes ill just sit and stare at the mirror and talk to my other self.. idk im all over the place
 

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Hi Noah863,

I think many things you've mentioned make sense with regards to DP/DR.

You would be able to feel much better by using a acceptance approach to dealing with DP/DR.

Acceptance is something you have to practice slowly. I think after couple of months it would make you feel ten times better.

I'm sorry if I sound too vague but let me know if you have any specific questions about a acceptance approach.

- Abe
 
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