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As some of you may know i'm a 23years old male.
I have been dpdr'ed for about a year and a half. Weed triggered it for me(Not the first time smoking it) . At first i was so desperate and anxious. Anyway it took me one year and a half to recover and during this time i had been smoking weed again in small amounts and it gave me peace of mind. I'd say i was around 80% recovered and living a better life

However i'd been smoking the past few days with no problem.
But 2 nights ago i smoked at the wrong hour(5 in the morning because i had slept till 2am and i was sharp and energized_i smoked all by myself) and after having some fun i realized i was wayyy too high and that made me have a lot of panic attacks. I still am experiencing intense panic attacks accompanied by a lot of intestinal problems. It feels like my fight/flight response is out of whack. I'm not living with my family and i don't want to tell them i've done this foolish thing once again and scare them or embarrass myself again.

I'm too scared if i'm going schizophrenic this time. I swear i won't touch weed ever again. Does this anxiety lower in time again? This is too much for me.

Btw: the only worsened symptom is keeping the train of thought. Sometimes i feel too lazy to remember everything in my mind or i'd better say i'm too scared and panicky that i fear losing my train of thought/speech all together.
Although i've been out and went shopping once and i stopped for gas and even when i went to the hospital i still acted normal i didn't lose my train of thought or anything.
I don't know if too much anxiety is doing that or if weed has not left my system yet (exactly 44 hours has been passed since i smoked weed) and i can't eat at all. I'm really weak and my stomach is badly upset. I went to the ER once this morning.

I'm just really afraid of schizophrenia this time. I know i had eased into dpdr once and it had lost it's dominance on me but this time it feels different like i'm more depersonalized or more anxious.maybe it's because of my under-nourishment and bad sleep.

Will it get better??? I need peace :(
 

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Everyone has triggers.. For me it is not weed as i never took it but there are things i follow that bring me in real hell even if i was 90% recovered (several times happened). It is our own fault , i always blame myself and when i get out of it, i always do it again. I also swear i wont do it again but when i get 90% better always the same happen. I think it wont harm me because shortly after i dont feel effect (just like you with weed) but then, few days after im in hell. Take vitamins & minerals, high doses of magnesium for great sleep, exercise, do the right things and u will be fine again. I think you should never take weed again, but i doubt you wont
 
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