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I need help, i think im ruined

1989 Views 14 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  Psyborg
I feel like im actually losing my mind. When you read thi, it probably will make no sense. When i got on here before, my biggest problem was existential shit. Im over that. I think im depersonalized or something again? I started really focusing on my inner experiance. Before, i could easily say "i deserve to feel good and have a good life". But i started focusing on my emotional world so much. I started not even being able to comprehend what these things are anymore. I see these feelings i am feeling but its like they are just there. When i focus on the way it feels, i can no longer say i want to feel it. Its just...there. Im like overly aware of things. I cant feel shit anymore. Before this i was obsessed with thinking that feeling nothing was the same as feeling good because its not feeling bad...that probably makes no sense because i soon realized, no because not feeling good means im feeling bad. Point is, i realized feeling good would be better than feeling nothing. But now it seems that feeling good or happy, even peaceful seems pointless. I think about the fact im alive so im aware and all that. I experiance things these things but they dont seem to be a part of me. When i think about being calm, it makes no sense anymore, its just a feeling or thing that is there in my perception and nothing more...feeling nice or positive doesnt even appeal anymore.
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I was on one for a bit but due to some circumstances, had to stop taking it but it was helping and hopefully ill be back on one soon. I just hope it helps. This problem seems totally unfixable. Ive like completely forgotten what feeling good or feeling bad even means.
I take Sertraline and Voxra.
Only the meds brought me out of madness of my own brain.
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