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I need help, i think im ruined

1984 Views 14 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  Psyborg
I feel like im actually losing my mind. When you read thi, it probably will make no sense. When i got on here before, my biggest problem was existential shit. Im over that. I think im depersonalized or something again? I started really focusing on my inner experiance. Before, i could easily say "i deserve to feel good and have a good life". But i started focusing on my emotional world so much. I started not even being able to comprehend what these things are anymore. I see these feelings i am feeling but its like they are just there. When i focus on the way it feels, i can no longer say i want to feel it. Its just...there. Im like overly aware of things. I cant feel shit anymore. Before this i was obsessed with thinking that feeling nothing was the same as feeling good because its not feeling bad...that probably makes no sense because i soon realized, no because not feeling good means im feeling bad. Point is, i realized feeling good would be better than feeling nothing. But now it seems that feeling good or happy, even peaceful seems pointless. I think about the fact im alive so im aware and all that. I experiance things these things but they dont seem to be a part of me. When i think about being calm, it makes no sense anymore, its just a feeling or thing that is there in my perception and nothing more...feeling nice or positive doesnt even appeal anymore.
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Has anyone gone through this and made it out? Like basically feeling that your emotions have no substance and that even happiness doesnt compute as something you WANT to feel because it seems unreal or fake in some way?
I was emotionally EXTREMELY numb . felt nothing

why dont you try medication ? it helped me a lot
I was on one for a bit but due to some circumstances, had to stop taking it but it was helping and hopefully ill be back on one soon. I just hope it helps. This problem seems totally unfixable. Ive like completely forgotten what feeling good or feeling bad even means.
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I am taking Zyprexa/Olanzapine and it helps a lot
Thanks, ill consider asking my doc about that med to try.
Far from it. If you felt good right now, you wouldn't be in this predicament because those things are mutually exclusive.
Yeah...i keep trying to tell myself something similar. Its like when i think of a feeling thats suppose to be good, it doesnt click in my brain that, that is something that i want to feel. Basically my ability to like something is gone.
This just makes no sense. Its like i know the feelings are there. Like calmness or anger or anything else but its like when im feeling them, im freaked out im feeling them and dont quite understand why feeling good matters anymore. Its like im above feeling all together. Im simply observing my feelings and cant quite get why i want to feel them or not feel them if they are bad. They are just, there.
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