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I need help, i think im ruined

1986 Views 14 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  Psyborg
I feel like im actually losing my mind. When you read thi, it probably will make no sense. When i got on here before, my biggest problem was existential shit. Im over that. I think im depersonalized or something again? I started really focusing on my inner experiance. Before, i could easily say "i deserve to feel good and have a good life". But i started focusing on my emotional world so much. I started not even being able to comprehend what these things are anymore. I see these feelings i am feeling but its like they are just there. When i focus on the way it feels, i can no longer say i want to feel it. Its just...there. Im like overly aware of things. I cant feel shit anymore. Before this i was obsessed with thinking that feeling nothing was the same as feeling good because its not feeling bad...that probably makes no sense because i soon realized, no because not feeling good means im feeling bad. Point is, i realized feeling good would be better than feeling nothing. But now it seems that feeling good or happy, even peaceful seems pointless. I think about the fact im alive so im aware and all that. I experiance things these things but they dont seem to be a part of me. When i think about being calm, it makes no sense anymore, its just a feeling or thing that is there in my perception and nothing more...feeling nice or positive doesnt even appeal anymore.
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I was emotionally EXTREMELY numb . felt nothing

why dont you try medication ? it helped me a lot
I was on one for a bit but due to some circumstances, had to stop taking it but it was helping and hopefully ill be back on one soon. I just hope it helps. This problem seems totally unfixable. Ive like completely forgotten what feeling good or feeling bad even means.
I am taking Zyprexa/Olanzapine and it helps a lot
I will say something to you now which will (hopefully , and I think it will) help you

the fact that you are bothered by the situation you are in (otherwise you wouldnt have opened this thread) means that you have feelings and are actually an emotional person .

the state you are in is an anormal state which will pass . feeling happy or sad etc. are still in you but they are eclipsed by DP/DR .

I can tell you again that zyprexa does wonders for me . and I take only 7.5mg . when you try it tell me how it goes because meds work different for everybody . in my experience if zyprexa doesnt help then seroquel can and vice versa . I was in the mental hopsital until not long ago for 3 months and talked about meds with other patients and those who gained weight on zyprexa for example didnt gain weight on seroquel . while I gained a lot of weight from seroquel but none from zyprexa and zyprexa fits me very well while seroquel was not so good

there are many meds out there other than those 2 . and frankly even though I am not a fan of medication in general I do think they have their place
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I had pretty much the same and it freaked me out

I also felt like there is no wrong or right and "what speaks against me being evil" etc

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