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I've has dp for 12 funking years!!! 12 years for gods sake....I am now 36 and the past few weeks it's got worse due to my mirtazipine pooping out so I went cold turkey and it messed my head up! I went back on them after 6 unbearable days and upped the dose but my depersonalisation has got so bad like im not in my own body I normally just have derealization. My body is still getting used to the medication, I have tried everything and it won't go away, I've given birth, got married been abroad a few times and just got on with life without it effecting me but the past few weeks have been hell! I've been having panic attacks over my dp
I have a Wonderful husband and a wonderful little boy who is so clever...I really just want to get a bottle of vodka and pills and end this hell! I wouldn't end it because of my little boy...I had a shit childhood, I was neglected put into care separated from my 6 brothers and sisters and my foster father was a paedophile and his wife knew it! Me and my sister got him jailed a few years ago. I'm reading at last a life at the moment and I get so frustrated by dp! What if when it goes it will feel so strange having a normal perception of life!! I am so lost and lonely....I've been with my husband for 17 years and he does not know I have this. I only told the doctor about it this week who just fobbed me off with a phone number for 'Mind therspy' which I'm on a waiting list.....I so want to feel normal again ????????????????????????
 

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I'm really sorry to hear how bad you are feeling. Right now I think you just need to stabilize your medication and give things a chance to settle down. It sounds like going cold turkey put you under some additional strain and you are feeling that at the moment. Try not to worry and stick to a schedule. Be careful about upping the dose as it's usually better to just go back to how it was before you stopped. Speak to your doctor about that. I liked At Last a Life a lot, and I hope reading it gives you some sense of relief about things as it did me. It's awful what you had to go through growing up, and things like that leave an impression. You might also read Evolving Self Confidence by Terry Dixon, which I found very good for releasing myself from negative feelings about my own childhood that had continued to effect me. We can continue to carry a sense of responsibility for the way we were treated even though we had no control over situations. It does sound like you have a lot to live for. Try not to put any pressure on yourself and just focus on getting things on an even keel for now.
 
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