[sunshinita]

It's one thing that I can't comprehend existence, my mind just refuses to process being alive. But it's gone beyond anything imaginable..I feel so trapped in my awareness of existence, that even death isn't an option. I feel so trapped that I am afraid that after I die I will still feel the same, I will still have consciousness and feel trapped, no matter if I am reincarnated in another human being, or in another form, or I will be in another dimension or hell/heaven, I fear consciousness, I feel trapped in awareness and death won't even help me :X I just hit the very bottom of anxiety. I will always be trapped even after I die-that's what I fear. Trapped in this state of mind. Is it really anxiety or am I doomed forever?

 

[sunshinita]

Most people fear death because of the nothingness, I have the opposite absurd fear that there is something and I will continue feeling trapped

 

[JayB]

I'm like you. I don't think we have a disorder. Maybe we once had it but now what's left is just a lot of anxiety. I feel trapped in my mind. The feeling is so bad that my consciousness feel like a prison that i won't ever be able to escape. I made a lot of googling and this symptom is so common with people experiencing severe anxiety. Also, the act of thinking feels odd. Anxiety can change your perception of the world by increasing your self-awareness of consciousness (then it becomes symptoms of depersonalization, as you start to see things in a very objective and analytical way). For us, it became existential anxiety. We keep seeing or consciousness as a threat because we are scared everytime we realize that we are alive (vicious circle). Not surprising that we feel depressed, hopeless and a lack of emotions/happiness when we feel attacked/in danger 24/7.

We need to stop seeing our consciouness as a threat. We should try to take a moment each day to just lay on the bed and just let our mind think, even if it makes you feel panic. You can put music in the background if it helps you. Take walks EVERY DAY and use all your senses as much as you can, again even if it gives you anxiety.

I think we can all agree that we are not going psycho and that these feelings can't kill you, no matter how bad they are. Before it all started we were feeling ok, so there is no reason that we couldn't feel better again.

I'll see my psychologist tomorrow and i'll talk about this feeling that seems like the root of all my problems.

These are stories similar to ours:

http://anxietynomore.co.uk/blog/2009/03/18/57/

http://www.sound-mind.org/anxiety-depression-scary-obsessive-thoughtsits-all-in-your-head.html#.VSU_YvmG98E

 

[sunshinita]

Yes,it's not DP anymore, it's beyond that, there are other people hyperaware and afraid of existence but I never stubled upon anyone whose fear is so deep that they are afraid that even death won't help them :X it's just too much. Although I logically know that this is just super severe anxiety and OCD, it doesn't really help to still feel trapped and in despair.

 

[seafoamneon]

What else do you have going on outside of dp? Try taking a trip some place new. I love exploring my city, when I make it back home I have a new perspective

 

[sunshinita]

I am sorry but I really can't see how this will help,no matter where I am at, I am trapped in existence. And in a high state of anxiety travelling is impossible for me.

I don't know what you mean by what else is going on, my life is okey objectively speaking, I didn't suffer any traumas ot child abuse, I just suffer from severe anxiety and ocd and now it's gone beyond imaginable.

 

[seafoamneon]

I am sorry but I really can't see how this will help,no matter where I am at, I am trapped in existence. And in a high state of anxiety travelling is impossible for me.

I don't know what you mean by what else is going on, my life is okey objectively speaking, I didn't suffer any traumas ot child abuse, I just suffer from severe anxiety and ocd and now it's gone beyond imaginable.

No, I mean, like are you bored? Boredom can make things worse imo

 

[nav]

There is something so poetic in what you said.

It's tragic

 

[sunshinita]

I am reading what I wrote.. it sounds so absurd, but yet it's there. Unbelievable anxiety! As for the boredom, there is nothing to distract me, I feel doomed. Hope these are just obsessive thoughts and they will fade with time. It's been two years though, they are getting deeper and stronger.

 

[DeeeP]

I have the same problem and can't handle this anymore so you're not alone with these thoughts.

I have the same thoughts about death, when I die i want to be in peace I don't want to be reincarnated or answer to anyone but there's a fear that won't happen and I will be trapped with this forever or even worse be brought back to life as myself. I fantasize that death will be the end of this torture and I will escape this never ending hell but have a fear that it won't end.

I know my post doesn't help you at all but at least you know someone relates

 

[seafoamneon]

I feel stuck in DP too, but mainly when Im in public. I have two jobs and they're beyond uncomfortable lol.

Video games help me alot

 

[Dpghost]

I feel the same way only I have a fear of myself and my mind when I think my mind gets paranoid and riddled with anxiety and fear of thinking .. Like why do I think .. Why do I have thoughts but the fear sends my mind haywire and I go in too hell I keep wanting to kill myself but am scared of what happens like do I have this fear still and this paranoia does it just transition or is it all black .. I'm in my deepest hole the anxiety is like living hell literally hell and what ever is beyond that I ask
God every day if there is one why would he make me too feel these things ..

 

[sunshinita]

It feels like being stuck in a limbo, I just fear that limbo will continue even beyond life, that I won't find peace. It's the ultimate fear, there is nothing more to fear,that's the deepest it can get (for now). Just like Deeep said. Let it be just high anxiety and nothing beyind that.

 

[sunshinita]

I feel stuck between dimensions, can't really ground myself. And I fear that after I die I will be stuck between dimension again for eternity,like there is no escape from this stuck feeling,it's a circle of terror.

 

[slenderman124]

Death is the end of consiousness.

 

[sunshinita]

No one can tell you that for sure.

 

[slenderman124]

No one can tell for sure that theres not a green elephant in the center of the sun either. From what we know today, there is no reason to believe otherwise.

 

[WorkingOnIt]

I believe slender man is correct. Living our lives buying into thoughts that have no backing is only going to lead to pain. We have to reach a "good enough" point where we trust what we see. Anything else is speculation, and mental masturbation.

 

[notna]

ive been healed from this condition. i had it for 4 month in total and at the peak of it, i can easly say it was the most aweful think i have ever experieneced. i wanted to kill myself instantly to free myself of it. completly unbearable

But now, reality has become normal for me again. I cant put my finger on what changed, but i dont feel trapped inside realiy anymore.

 

[sunshinita]

May be it was easir when you had it for 4 months, I have ihad it for almost 2 years,it kinda became my way of thinking.