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Hi Im new to this website. I myself do not have DP/DR. But Im dating someone who does. I care about him very much and its been about 5 months now. Our relationship is very complex (we cant go out together, he can drive but I cant go with him, he cant open up to me emotionally,he gets defensive,rarely replies back to me, etc..). Its hard for someone outside to understand. Im very caring and supportive. But he comes off as unresponsive to anything affectionate I say and shows very very little care back. He has a lot of trouble expressing emotion. The first week or so he was very caring and charming (he wanted me so bad). But for 90% of the relationship its like hes turned cold towards me. Me being there doesnt seem to mean much to him. Im left feeling unwanted no matter how much work I put in. Im caring, loving, affectionate and I try my best to educate myself on his illness. This is all new to me and Im wondering if this is the normal experience of a DP/DR relationship? Is it his DP/DR that can make a person act like this? I care about him very much and Im giving him time. He also has ptsd. Ive never noticed his DP/DR experiences and I havent been told why he has pstd. But if I understand this more maybe it can work. If theres any advice to get him to warm up to me or manage a relationship where hes learning to love me? I want to be there and I cant imagine what hes going through. But I cant help but feel sad. If any help can be given it would be greatly appreciated.
 

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Hi, welcome! I ordinarily side with the person with depersonalization but this sounds rather messy. DPD does leave a person feeling numb and detached and I personally find any relationships very difficult. As a self defence mechanism I don't connect to people and have a guard up around absolutely anyone. Unfortunately you cannot "get him to warm up" to you or get him to "learn to love you". He has to take control of his life in simple ways at first to try and connect to you, by being honest about how he feels and how detached he is.. which is extremely difficult.

When you say: "Me being there doesn't seem to mean much to him. I'm left feeling unwanted no matter how much work I put in. "

I don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water or tell you what to do. But if someone is making you feel that way in a relationship you need to address it before it becomes a habit. If someone isn't listening to you or value what you say, you devalue yourself and that isn't a good path to be on. There are plenty of people out there who would value what you have to say I'm sure... you probably should be having these conversations with him though. There could be plenty of reasons why he is acting this way. He could fear connection due to past trauma or he might not be that into you. Your never going to know until you ask

P.s. I say this a hell of a lot now, but Jordan Peterson has a lot of valuable and very interesting content on youtube, you should get him to check it out perhaps
 
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