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I've always been bullied during primary school and college, people have always called me a fat nerd, after school the bullies would wait for me and bash me this has continued through-out my childhood, I would use my mums makeup to cover up the bruises, it's sad isn't it? I've never been nothing but nice and I had these little twats bash me because I was getting higher marks than most student in my school, I'm still traumatised by the memories of me getting beaten and no one standing up for me.

Things have changed now, I am no longer fat or awkward. I've had flings with pretty women in the past, I am currently in the best law school in my city, but... I have no friends, I'm simply fucked I can't hold a conversation without getting bursts of anxiety I feel as if the person that I am talking knows I am dp'd or can some how see that I'm acting odd.

I just want a friend, someone who can hit me up and ask me how I'm doing or anything I don't know, I lived in a neighbourhood where the bullies ran the streets, I didn't want to risk going out to end up getting beaten again

I have night terrors, I usually wake up 2-3 times per night. I start getting severe jerks around my neck, legs, arms even my body.

I'm not scared of dp, I'm scared because I'll never be the same or that I won't see life the way I once did.. because of one "joint", all it took was one joint to send my future into a coffin, I honestly don't know why I'm still pushing maybe it's the human instinct but I'm sure one day shit will hit the fan, but I hope I don't reach that point.

Some days the condition is moderate, but on others it's a living hell I literally want to kill myself every second I think about it.

I feel broken, I would never with this on anyone.. my life is fucked.
 

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You're not alone in this. I also feel my life has been fucked because of 3 puffs. Missed all classes on university....had plans going to america next summer. everything's fucked. i still cant believe im in this situation.
 

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You are still the same person.The joint has increased what you were feeling a long time ago.
It might sound stupid ,but DR has one positive affect ,it brings to light your emotional picture ,it shows you what bas been hurting you emotionally ,which is in your case the anxiety from bullying and the permanent feeling of being not accepted and left alone in this life.
Accept that fact ,work on it ,change the way you feel about yourself ,and never forget that you reached the greatest point of anxiety and ask yourself ,did it kill me ? No ,it didnt ,i am still alive ,i have experienced the worst and i dont care about the smaller things that happened to me before ,realize that what only counts is that you feelbat easy with yourself ,your mind/DR has shown you that nothing can make you more happy than your own self.Also learn about how THC affects the brain and you will realize that the center of your emotions got most affected ,because thats what yiu have been suffering from for a long time.
 

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No one is past being friends, at the start it will help to find someone in your situation, but good people will see the shining light in your struggles and help you through, it might not seem like it, but they are out there. I think a lot of the time it's maybe because we come off to strong, it's a gradual thing, put your best foot forward and people will come. No one here is broken, just like someone with say Chronic Pain, you'd never think I can't be there friend because " X & Y ". Being in a fast city (London) I realised that people were drawn to me no matter what i was going, at the start, going in heavy with problems, it doesn't work, try and leave that aside for a little while, i've had the same problem with friends i've had for years, but relationships are often how much you can give, not how much you can take.

Everyone has something to give and the other person will do the same. You have plenty to give, just keep giving. With anxiety you tend to be too focused inwards on your problems, which makes it hard for anyone, as i've found as they tend to think of themselves as acting psychologist and it takes a hell of a lot of practice to change that mind set. I made a thread a good half a year ago about how I was loosing my friends, I had to work to stop expecting them to support me and rather be equals, even though they were doing great...

But trust me, 7 billion people, many people would love you as a friend
 
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