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I'm afraid that I am now a sociopath. I digged too deeply in the reality of the world and now I have seen the truth. About a week ago i started having a series of disturbing thoughts regarded the world and how it is a fucked up place. Thoughts on random fears and thoughts that life is suffering filled my mind and I could not stop or refute them. One thing led to another and now a new thought has absolutely broken me.

I am agnostic. I do not believe in religion or their gods. But I never fell into the trap of nihilism that without a god that there is no point.in life. I used to strongly believe in right and wrong and why life is valuable. But I have now lost that thing that kept me falling into the abyss. As I sat ruminating over my thoughts trying to find counter arguments to the thoughts about life was suffering and stuff, an new thought came into my head, that aliens will probably not have the same emotions as us. This led me into a downward spiral of if aliens didnt have the same emotions as us than emotions are not universal. If emotions are not universal than emotions are nothing more than evolutionary adaptions to help our species survive. And then finally if emotions are nothing more than evolutionary adaptions, then then things like love or value does not exist. Human life is not special or important. Love isnt because you actually love a person, its because evolution is trying to pass on your genes. Emotions are illusions. Humans are nothing more than machines of evolution. There is no reason for emotions or caring about other people.

I never thought this way before. I always believed in humanism, that humans are special and deserve to be treated well. I believed in love, happiness and morality. Now those concepts have been dragged out from underneath me. It doesnt matter if someone gets murdered or raped. Human life isn't special. Just evoutionary robots. I was already pretty emotionless because I was dealing with the thoughts before coming to this realization but when the thought popped into my head it's like something inside me died. I feel nothing anymore. No emotions. Nothing. Life is worthless and so are emotions. I have become a robot.

For the past few days I have done nothing but read philosphy books and books by a philosopherscientist named Raymond Tallis. He has what I think are convincing thoughts on why evolution, while true, can not account for human behavior or emotions. That humans are more than their biological roots. But no matter how many times I read and read, while I agree with his statements, the thoughts don't care. The thoughts don't believe it. I still believe that life is worthless. If an asteroid came and destroyed the planet tomorrow I would not care. I realize how horrible that statement sounds but I can't help. It won't leave my mind. I am constantly searching for evidence against these thoughts but no matter how much I can logically agree with the counter arguments, I can't force my self to believe it. I am constantly reading stuff on the internet to disprove these thoughts but nothing works.

I hate this. Why am I like this? I am worried that I will be a sociopath for the rest of my mind. That I will resort to acting like the animal I believe we all are. I want to reset my mind, or rewind time to a time I did not think like this. I have OCD but I don't think this applies here. I have no emotions anymore. I am just an evolutionary robot. Please someone read this and slap some sense into me. I'm so scared.
 

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Hi PrinceLunar72!,

As I remember in the past I've experienced thoughts almost exactly in nature. I also have obsessive and racing thoughts. Obsessive thoughts enforce the kind of thoughts you are having. But it is also natural to feel heart-broken when you realize something you believed in is not true.

When you understand the truth about something there is no way to undo that knowledge. Then you must find a new understanding of things in order to feel better again. However it is also important to make efforts to stop obsessing because it could take sometime for you to find answers to your questions.
You are not going to find the answers by obsessing about the questions.

I think humans are unique because of their mind consciousness. We are conscious of our own thoughts. I think we also have the capacity to further develop this consciousness if we want. Humans also have the greatest capacity for ignorance. This is why people do things harmful to themselves or other people. Either they don't fully realize something is harmful or simply ignore to think about it.

- Abe
 
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