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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have given up. I don't fight this disorder anymore. But not in the sense that I don't resist it such that I forget about the symptoms and they subside. Instead, it has become my reality. And I'm okay with it. My every second is dissociated. I'm detached from my body, from the world, and from my Self. And I don't care. I have learnt to live with it. Every moment is agony, yet that does not stop me from just surrendering to this insufferable Hell.

Am I the only one? I know this is shameful but I'm exhausted and I don't care anymore. I have stopped caring for the last 3 years. It's easier than fighting this fight alone. I opened up to my parents about it 3 years ago and the response from them was disappointing. Since I was then misunderstood and suffering, I gave up. It was too much hassle.

I just don't care anymore and it sucks. My existence is DP/DR. But who cares?
 

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I accepted DP as part of me a good few years ago....It helped ease the struggle....Constantly fighting it was just making it worse...

Surrender to win was something I was taught by a very very smart wise person.........

The constant obsession with going back to the exact way and person you were the minute before DP kicked in actually fuels the condition in my opinion...It creates more anxiety, fear, stress and depression and hence fuels the DP even more....
 

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You may be done fighting and thats ok. Its hard, REALLY hard. Im not sure if this is true but ive heard some say who have recovered that accepting you have dp and that its part of your life, at least for the moment is one of the first steps of recovery. I was at a similar point you are at too like half a year ago or so. Ive improved quite a bit since then but im still confused as to whether im still disocciated or not. Maybe its cause i dwelled in it so long, i forgot what normal feels like or maybe i am normal but just stressed and deal with it by disociating, idk...either way, you can get to a point where dp just seems like a dull headache you barely notice if your living life happier in spite of it all. If you got something in your life to strive for, focus on that instead and try not to think about how fucked up everything seems cause if your done fighting, might as well give yourself a break.
 

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Thank you all for your replies. I agree with you all and your suggestions are super helpful. I especially agree with you, Where, when you mention how people might recognise your condition yet act as if it is not significant. DP/DR is a hellish experience, and anyone who's told about it, if they're willing to accept the description is accurate and not exaggerated, would agree. And that's been a big issue for me. The family who I have told about this disorder respond to it in a very strange way. At least, strange to me, because I sort of want a bigger reaction. It sounds selfish, and in no way do I want my family to hurt or suffer, but, for instance, when I told my Mum about my symptoms I expected more than just a blank stare or puzzled look. I sort of wanted tears. I wanted my Mum to make a bit more of a fuss about the fact her son is perpetually in a dream state and is disconnected from his body. The same goes for the rest of my family. This isn't to say I want them to suffer - it's sort of like I just want them to seem to CARE, or something I don't know! I just want my suffering to be validated or something.

The lack of validation has had big effects on my self-esteem. From the get-go with DP/DR, I have wrongly associated with the thoughts and feelings. My self-esteem has always been low, so from the start I did not have a high enough opinion of myself to suppose that DP/DR was just a fault in my brain - it had to be a fault in me, a fault in my character. The lack of response to my description of DP/DR and also the reaction to my depressed behaviour (sleeping in, being unmotivated, etc.) only exacerbated my low opinion of myself, as no one seemed to make a distinction between my condition/behaviour and ME. Instead, my family just supposed i was unmotivated, lazy, with no goals and happy to sleep all day, and fucked up by nature. And that hurts.

As Where says, finding a support group seems important. And funnily enough, even in the past when I have gotten slightly better, my recovery always begins with coming back to these forums, because here is the only place I feel anyone will truly understand me. Everyone else, even the counsellors, psychiatrists, even friends with mental health conditions of their own, never really seem to understand. My sister suffered from depression, but even she doesn't understand at all what DP/DR is like. I hate to say that, as if to undermine the experience of others who suffer from mental health disorders, but that's not my intention. We all suffer, but DP/DR - they're just seems to be nothing nearly as bad. All dissociative disorders, there is just a certain awful poignance to them.

I suppose I will linger on these sites more until I feel understood and supported and validated. I can't blame those who don't understand, but the invalidating effects that their responses have had on me are, it now seems, profound and Earth-shattering. I suppose I must recover from that and understand I am a whole, untouched person beyond this disorder, and I, me, myself, still remains full of his love, life, and joy, even after all of this dissociative pain.
 

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Whats really sad is that alot of the people who improve or get better dont keep in contact with the Forum to offer advice and help to others who are suffering badly....

The only reason I hang around DPself help is because Ive dealt with DP as a managed condition for nearly 30 years...I like to think that myself and others can offer some advice and even hope to others on here that there is a away out...I also hang around just in case somebody somewhere discovers a genuine fix for this awful condition....

One of the most annoying pieces of advice I hear from people who improve is..... "Get off the Forum / Its bad for you / You are just feeding the DP" .......This is the classic case of Ive gotten better somehow and am going to run as far away from DP as is possible....Ive seen loads of said people returning to the site with their tails between their legs....I mean total avoidance of something means you fear it...And with fear comes anxiety...And with anxiety comes DP...

We all need to stop running trying to run fom DP (I mean is that not what the doctors and shrinks and therapists and people around us keep doing when they just stare blankly back at us and tell us we look fine).....We need to face it together....And then we may just overcome it.....I learned this on my recovery journey from alcoholism and drug addiction......

"You alone can do it BUT you cant do it alone"
 

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Ive been fortunate enough to have a couple family members understand my feelings and have dealt with brief moments of dp under great stress themselves and have offered me advice dispite the fact it was, and still is mildly cronic. But i get what you mean. Many of my family members and few of my friends knew what i was describing when i was talking about my dp or about my strange and existential thoughts but most were very sympathetic and wanted to help anyway they could and honestly thats all they can do is offer support. I hope your family learns to understand that you are suffering mental illness and arnt just feeling blue or unmotivated. I can see why it would take a big toll on you. My mother didnt understand me for a while and couldnt understand why i was the way i was untill she fell into a deep depression which, even tho isnt the same, gave her a better understanding on how much mental illness affects you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Returning to this community and embracing DP/DR certainly seems to be part of the way forward. I think that’s been my mistake - for the past 5 years I’ve barely even touched these websites let alone even thought about the fact that I HAVE DP/DR. And I think it’s all due to shame. I just wanted to be normal so bad that I began to avoid who I even am; that is, I am a person suffering from a mental health issue called DP/DR. I’m sure I’ve read this somewhere before but it seems the mistake goes like this: we’re often told to ignore the DP/DR, but this is wrong; instead, “ignore” the symptoms and sensations and intrusive thoughts, but never ignore the fact you are suffering from a disorder. Not ignoring the disorder itself won’t lead to an obsession, just as not ignoring the fact you have a broken leg won’t stop you from recovering. In fact, if you have a broken leg you MUST recognise your impairment, otherwise you might push yourself into doing activities you can’t and shouldn’t do, like going for a run or doing star jumps. Similarly, although DP/DR should not limit your life, you must understand that you might end up doing things and feeling bad while doing them. You might go out .org friends and find yourself numb and disoriented by the middle of the day - and that’s OK, because you have a SERIOUS condition that distorts your worldview. If you ignore DP/DR as a whole, you will end up going out for the day with friends, feel detached, and then become extra depressed by not being able to correctly identify WHY you feel bad. At least this describes my experience ignoring the disorder: there are so many places, people, things, and songs that I identify with awful feelings, because at the time I was experiencing these things I felt awful and detached, but instead of being able to assure myself that the feelings were just my unwell brain I instead attached the feelings to the items/events themselves - and wow that is fucking depressing, as I’m sure you guys know.
 

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Whats really sad is that alot of the people who improve or get better dont keep in contact with the Forum to offer advice and help to others who are suffering badly....
To be fair, moving on and forgetting about it is just about all you can do.

People who qoute 'recovered' always have the same story.

Create some good habits, be healthy, live your life. There is no magic fix so there's nothing more to be said really.
 

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I have given up. I don't fight this disorder anymore. But not in the sense that I don't resist it such that I forget about the symptoms and they subside. Instead, it has become my reality. And I'm okay with it. My every second is dissociated. I'm detached from my body, from the world, and from my Self. And I don't care. I have learnt to live with it. Every moment is agony, yet that does not stop me from just surrendering to this insufferable Hell.

Am I the only one? I know this is shameful but I'm exhausted and I don't care anymore. I have stopped caring for the last 3 years. It's easier than fighting this fight alone. I opened up to my parents about it 3 years ago and the response from them was disappointing. Since I was then misunderstood and suffering, I gave up. It was too much hassle.

I just don't care anymore and it sucks. My existence is DP/DR. But who cares?
It is known. Fighting this thing agressively has a track record of making things worse. I think many here feels the same.
 

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To be fair, moving on and forgetting about it is just about all you can do.

People who qoute 'recovered' always have the same story.

Create some good habits, be healthy, live your life. There is no magic fix so there's nothing more to be said really.
This seems quite flippant. I agree that that is the general formula for recovery, since I have implemented it in the past and have achieved results, but I think it's wrong to say they're nothing more to be said. If there's nothing more to be said then no one would be here, surely. Personally, I have implemented those things and achieved a lot, in terms of my mental health and in terms of my life. However, there's always been more to be said. Unfortunately, the more to be said, in my case, has been silenced by the people I've needed to say it to, preventing me from recovering that bit more that I wish I could. That is just one example for why the formula isn't final.
 
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