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I can sometimes just feel myself hovering outside myself in these moments I can feel everything or nothing. It feels like my life force expands or shuts down. I feel like it happens so much that I have actually gained abilities from it. At times I can see and feel pain in other ppls bodies or souls. I can also project myself to feel other ppl and think what they think. I'm not suppose to let myself I'm suppose to use grounding techniques but they don't work I don't get pulled back until it's time. I can feel my body changing my eyes fluttering my body changes completely inside and out. I think I've had so many episodes that I just started separating parts of myself. I can feel the energy and inner workings of all things alive or not. It becomes so much that I have nervous breakdowns.
DPD is incredible hard and fragile thing to live and deal with. For me I'm not sure what triggers it for me I've talked to my therapist a lot about it and I'm suppose to see him every week but I've stopped going I want to go but something stops me. I've been trying to get my anxiety depression and ptsd under control so I can eliminate possible triggers and stressors. It's very hard for me to stick with meds because my thought views and mental state changes so often. I put my bf through an emotional roller coaster he can't handle I can't help it I'm trying my best but I can't stay one way. It only seems to stop when I'm taking care of my kids and working I think in my mind those are a higher priority than myself and I won't let it interfere. I feel hyper empathy which makes me feel like i can feel others feelings exactly how they are experiencing it and especially pain it can be complete strangers makes living in a world of ppl hard.
In states of depersonalization that actions reflexes twitches quirks of other ppl all stand out as u go into hyper visialsm (I know it's spelt wrong). I can't help but notice it and it can trigger me worse. With my meds I feel I can handle it all calmly and without ppl noticing and without me freaking out but I'd like for it to stop but I don't think that's possible honestly but I'm hopeful.
Sometimes in my off states I ponder if god meant for me to be designed this way..
DPD is incredible hard and fragile thing to live and deal with. For me I'm not sure what triggers it for me I've talked to my therapist a lot about it and I'm suppose to see him every week but I've stopped going I want to go but something stops me. I've been trying to get my anxiety depression and ptsd under control so I can eliminate possible triggers and stressors. It's very hard for me to stick with meds because my thought views and mental state changes so often. I put my bf through an emotional roller coaster he can't handle I can't help it I'm trying my best but I can't stay one way. It only seems to stop when I'm taking care of my kids and working I think in my mind those are a higher priority than myself and I won't let it interfere. I feel hyper empathy which makes me feel like i can feel others feelings exactly how they are experiencing it and especially pain it can be complete strangers makes living in a world of ppl hard.
In states of depersonalization that actions reflexes twitches quirks of other ppl all stand out as u go into hyper visialsm (I know it's spelt wrong). I can't help but notice it and it can trigger me worse. With my meds I feel I can handle it all calmly and without ppl noticing and without me freaking out but I'd like for it to stop but I don't think that's possible honestly but I'm hopeful.
Sometimes in my off states I ponder if god meant for me to be designed this way..
