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I can sometimes just feel myself hovering outside myself in these moments I can feel everything or nothing. It feels like my life force expands or shuts down. I feel like it happens so much that I have actually gained abilities from it. At times I can see and feel pain in other ppls bodies or souls. I can also project myself to feel other ppl and think what they think. I'm not suppose to let myself I'm suppose to use grounding techniques but they don't work I don't get pulled back until it's time. I can feel my body changing my eyes fluttering my body changes completely inside and out. I think I've had so many episodes that I just started separating parts of myself. I can feel the energy and inner workings of all things alive or not. It becomes so much that I have nervous breakdowns.
DPD is incredible hard and fragile thing to live and deal with. For me I'm not sure what triggers it for me I've talked to my therapist a lot about it and I'm suppose to see him every week but I've stopped going I want to go but something stops me. I've been trying to get my anxiety depression and ptsd under control so I can eliminate possible triggers and stressors. It's very hard for me to stick with meds because my thought views and mental state changes so often. I put my bf through an emotional roller coaster he can't handle I can't help it I'm trying my best but I can't stay one way. It only seems to stop when I'm taking care of my kids and working I think in my mind those are a higher priority than myself and I won't let it interfere. I feel hyper empathy which makes me feel like i can feel others feelings exactly how they are experiencing it and especially pain it can be complete strangers makes living in a world of ppl hard.
In states of depersonalization that actions reflexes twitches quirks of other ppl all stand out as u go into hyper visialsm (I know it's spelt wrong). I can't help but notice it and it can trigger me worse. With my meds I feel I can handle it all calmly and without ppl noticing and without me freaking out but I'd like for it to stop but I don't think that's possible honestly but I'm hopeful.
Sometimes in my off states I ponder if god meant for me to be designed this way..
 
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