[Mipmunk]

I have been in a DP state for about 11 days. It has been lifting slowly, but I keep crying because I want my identity back. I have to take clonazepam to keep me sedated from the sheer panic of being frightened of myself. I am nervous of myself, I don't know who I am. I don't have my full identity and I am so desperate to have it back that I keep crying. I am eating and sleeping. I always look forward to bed time because I can go to sleep and it all goes away when I am asleep. But when I wake up it is there again. I have suffered on and off intermittently for 10 years with DP, every time the DP has gone away, but I am scared in case it doesn't go this time. I keep looking in the mirror and I look alright in the mirror but I don't feel right inside. I just wanna be okay again and feel normal, I can't stand this nervous of myself and not feeling like me, I feel like a zombie. Please help. I don't know what else to do.

Roxanne :?

 

[dreamcatcher]

MIPMUNK........

these are the symptoms of the dp.....i understand how you feel...i cry nearly every day and have for the last year but you have got through this before there is no reason why this time should be any different....try distracting yourself....exercise...paint a picture....watch tv....try fill your head with other things rather than dwelling on the symptoms....that something we all need to be able to do in order to move on...

hope you feel a little better soon

 

[tori]

mipmunk,

when i read your post it sounded exactly how i felt in my first few weeks of dp. It is terrifying. Not knowing who you are, not connecting with your image, not recognising you own voice...these are awful symptoms. This fear and nervousness you feel is possibly making the dp worse. After 7 months of dp i am glad i took the advice of a good doctor on my 2nd month...i know this will sound impossible but try not to be scared of dp. Try to continue things as normal and find things to occupy your mind or distract you from the constant worrying about what is happening to you. I have also been told by my clinical psychologist to stop checking in the mirror to see if i can see myself yet because if you dont it will only cause more panic and fuel the anxiety. Only suggestions mipmunk but i hope you will feel better soon.

 

[falling_free]

I haven't cried for a long time, even when im expieriencing a really bad bout of unreality I find it really hard to express as strong an emotion as crying and I have even tried to make myself cry in the past in the hope that it would lift the feelings of unreailty, but no matter how hard I try I can't, It is very worrying as a human being when you can't experience one of your most natrual emotions but I spose some would say since im male I have been kind of socially programmed to repress emotions such as crying as we have to be put up a front of being in control.

Oh and hope you feel better soon

 

[Guest]

Mipmunk,I think all of us can relate to how you are feeling.Most of us have either been there or are there.

It's not much fun huh?crying is one way of expressing our utter despair,its only human.
Things will get better.

Sorry I can't be of help.It would be wonderful to have a magic wand.

Wishing you all the best,Shelly

 

[Guest]

My heart goes out to you, as well...yes, we've all been there and it is utterly terrifying to feel Self fading like dust.

I MUST tell you this and you MUST listen: do not keep staring at yourself in a mirror. This is SO important, and I realize as I write it that it sounds backwards - it FEELS like you should keep trying as hard as you can to FIND yourself again, to keep looking for something you recognize, to keep fighting for feelings of Being Me....

It's a trap.

THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO - the ONLY thing you should be doing - is to focus on ANYTHING BESIDES yourself at this time.

Act as if you are normal.

Even if you feel half-alive, FORCE yourself to keep your attention on anything besides yourself. Read, watch TV, talk to other people about anything but you.....take a walk and study nature, read a newspaper, act like you care about politics, study a new subject...go to a bookstore and buy a science book or a history book and STUDY it as if you are in school. Make notes and pretend you are interested.

If you feel like you are fading more, KEEP focusing on anything else besides yourself.

The FASTEST way out of this horror is to turn every ounce of your attention to ANYthing besides Self.

I know this sounds wrong.

I know it feels like if you look away from Self for an instant, then you will vanish forever.

It's a lie.

It's a trick of the mind, trying to lure you deeper and deeper into the abyss of dp.

FORCE yourself with every ounce of strength you have left to focus on anything outside yourself.

And you will find, slowly, over days' time...that slowly you will start to forget that you were not you..and you will slowly start to feel more normal.
When that happens, KEEP doing whatever you've been doing.

Resist the powerful temptation to start looking in the mirror again, and the desire to try to feel more like youself - turn all your attention AWAY from self again, and let a little more time go by, and you will feel even more normal still.

Eventually, you will be back totally - you will regain yourself - but NOT while you are watching Self.

TRUST me, please.....I know this from the inside out and I do know that what I'm saying sounds silly. I also know it is the way out of this hell.

Peace,
Janine

 

[peacedove]

Janine... what you say makes a lot of sense to me. I definitely focus too inward. And I never used to think I was a control freak, but then I realized that when I start to fall asleep and then I jump awake scared right away it's because my mind doesn't want to lose control to my dreams.... Or someone told me that or something.

But anyways... this way out you speak of... Is it possible for someone who has had DP for 16 years... since they were a kid? Because it seems everything is just there or it just happens to me... I have no control. And I think it seems this way cuz I've been this way for so long the thoughts come automatically, everything is automatic. How do you go about changing when something is so ingrained in your brain? How do you focus outward when your mind won't let you stop focusing inward?