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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Very, very, very sorry for the apparently (extremely) sexist title. To those of you who don't know it's a play on the title of a song by a rapper called Jay Z, the original lyrics being 'I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.' I just couldn't help it, it seemd funny.
Anyway enough with the apolegetic, cyber paranoia.
Some of you may recall I went to Thailand about two months ago. It was awesome, lets make that clear. More relevant though was a little encounter I had one night. To cut a long story short a met a Dutch girl, and fell in love. Well actually I'm not going to go throwing the 'L' word around lightly, after all I am only 19. But lets just say I liked her very, very, very, very much. It sounds very corny, but the night was magical, just like those romantic fantasies we all have.
Nonetheless she went home the folloeing day, leaving me her email address. Since then we have kept in very close contact emailing every day, occasionally calling, and very occasionally msn-ing (which I don't like much).
She has gently suggested on a number of occasions that I come visit her in Holland, so I eventually agreed, after I was sure she meant it, and wasn't just being polite. So now I am, in about two weeks actually. However being the anxious, paranoid wreck that I am, I am extremely scared.
For one she is Dutch. It's a different culture to English. I'm not quite sure whether I understand Dutch people very well actually. They seem too laid back. Nothing's a big deal. They don't laugh hysterically like the Brits or the yanks. They speak directly, with no superfluos sentences. Us British like to pad out our sentences, milking our moment of attention for all it's worth. We speak emphatically about the most mundane, pointless things, like a f*cking kebab we had two weeks ago. Dutch people do not. They're not afraid to ask you what you want to be when you are older, when they've only just met you. Us Brits f*ck around for ages with sarcasm and silly jokes. You have to have known a Brit for at least ten years before you can get a serious word out of them.
Dutch people are different. This scares me. It's something I don't understand fully, something I can't anticpate or predict, something unfamiliar. Those are some of the cornerstones of anxiety I believe. The inability to have control and absolute understanding over what's happening.
Secondly she is a model, and a rather good one at that. She does some pretty high profile stuff, and clearly makes a shit load of money. She's not lying either, I've seen her pictures. Whilst I am tall and have a good body (vain as well) and am constantly being told how handsome I am, and how I should be a model myself, I am, after all, still a part time bar man/student/public transport using scared little teenager, with a bank balance ?500 in the red. She has a good car, an appartement in Amsterdam that she shares with friends and a penchant for expensive clubs and dining at restaurants every other night. All I've got is a bus pass and the world famous Anglo-Celtic gift of the gab (the ability to talk sh*t for hours on end, no matter who the company is). Yes I can be very confident in social situations, but inside, I'm dying, as my very presence on this board would indicate.
Thirdly she's half a year older than me. This isn't really a big deal, but the fact that she is twenty and I'm officially still a teenager is slightly unerving.

She does seem to really like me. The night we met she was the one that I caught staring at me wide eyed, and she was the one who eventually approached me. She wouldn't let me go that night, I mean she really seemed to like me (she wouldn't stop kissing me). Since then she has been making all the significant moves, such as suggesting I come visit and the occasional flirtatious (as much as emailing permits) gesture. It just doesn't make sense. It's simply too good to be true.
I'm just waiting for it to all fall to pieces, and I'm sure that when I visit, it will. There's just too many factors to consider, too much stuff to consider, I'm gonna' fail somewhere. What if I spit when I talk, and it goes right in her eye. What if she doesn't get my sense of humour. What if, inspite of her obvious approval of my physical appearance in the past, both in real time and in photos, she decides that I'm not that good looking afterall. Whatifwhatifwhatifwhatif.
I know I'll meet her, and eventually I'll feel relatively comfortable, and I'll end up talking for hours, only to wake up the next morning and endlessly scrutinise every word I said trying to find fault.
As you guys can see I'm really not ready for this. Some help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for reading, Alex
 
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im sorry but i couldn't read that whole post, my attention span isn't there right now.

Glad to see you referenced Jigga though! We need more hip hop on this site!

I GOT 99 PROBLEMS & DP IS ONE!
 

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Axel,

You are so charming--
I'm sure you will have a fabulous time.

Being nervous in absolutely 1000% NORMAL in this situation.

I dated a dutch guy for a while--serious relationship. And what I learned to appreciate is that as a total generalization the dutch love family, heritage/roots, and hard-work.

Hopeully this girl's depth is something that will make what you have even more special than what you're used to--maybe she'll be able to understand you more than your ordinary Brit would because of it..

if not, at least it was worth the shot, no? I mean truly, you have NOTHING to lose. From what I can tell from this board, you have a ton to offer.

So STOP yourself from scrutinizing every word you say--although of course, some of that is normal and inevitable in any situation where you have an infatuation or strong interest in someone (most people I've ever spoken to about this topic do the same thing!)

Go show her what you've got!

Love,
jewels
 
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Axel,

I'd be pissing in my pants too if I were in your situation. It's only normal to be apprehensive in that kind of situation. But your an intelligent british fella, im sure you'll pull it off perfectly. The bottom line is that the girl must like you alot. If she didn't then she would never bother to invite a foreigner such as yourself to come visit her home. Then again, you say the dutch are laid back like that, so i dont know? Just enjoy your limited time with her. Your living the schoolboy fantasy here so take advantage of it!
 

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Well, it is very nice to feel love for a girl. It seems to me, you lack a bit of confidence in this department. Women like confident men. So bear that in mind. You are young, she is young, enjoy each other's company! Do not read too much into your relationship; treat it as "holiday romance". Go and visit her, have fun and remember, you are not less worthy than her! It really matter very little that you do not have a big income or a job. She would only care about these things if there were a possibility of commitment for marriage or something. You are only at the beginning of a potential relationship. So just take the opportunity and visit her and have fun and see how things develop.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Really appreciate the help guys. Some of your comments are a real confidence boost, and I mean that.
Avaya, what you say is very true. I've had some experience in relationships, and the one lesson that I have learned is not to take things too seriously early on. We don't know eachother that well, but in our limited experience of one another, we feel very relaxed. I'm trying to see it as a bit of fun. It's just me going over there to enjoy myself and see her again. In fact I'm going with a couple of friends, so if we end up spending some time alone, then my friends can go off alone, or hang out with her friends. As you can see I'm trying to prepare for everything.
On the other hand, whilst I'm trying to see it as just a bit of fun, I really don't want to blow it, cos' this is one of the most exciting things that has ever happend to me. Whilst, if it did work, it wouldn't be a conventional relationship, which suits me perfectly cos' I'm not a conventional person.
 

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Hi Axel, it seems the other people in this thread have already said those things that might have come to my mind - so I just wanna wish you luck for your journey to Netherlands. The girl you have met seems to really like you, so don't worry and have fun! Although I have never had a relationship with a foreigner, I think it wouldn't feel too difficult if you really like each other. It is like any relationship, you need to learn to know each other, and it will happen if you both feel being "the right persons" (in Finnish the magical concept "Se Oikea") for each other. I wish you good time with the girl! :)
 

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Axel. Yeah...she's 20 and you're 19. It's never gonna work! Come on man...if you're gonna do anxiety at least do it well - no offence, but that's the sh!ttest reason to be anxious i ever did hear!! :D

You're right to be worried about the dutch. Their humour definitely shades ever so gradually into that of their German neighbours (joke!), but not ALL dutch people are like that. I know/knew a dutch girl who was really warm and bubbly and not only did she joke about in a British way, but she found the whole British humour fascinating. For example, she would laugh at a fart....not what you'd usually expect from a sophisticated European!!

So you know what to do...when you first meet up with her say 'alright love, you dont mind waiting a few minutes while I use the khazi do ya? I was on the razz last night watching the match...did you see Smithy's goal? Blinder, weren' it. Overdid it a bit, 12 pints and a Madras and now my ring's red raw. Not to mention me bum gravy!' If she laughs, you're on to a winner...if she gives you a steely teutonic stare, maybe you can catch the next eurostar home.

good luck!

gav
 

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Axel. Yeah...she's 20 and you're 19. It's never gonna work! Come on man...if you're gonna do anxiety at least do it well - no offence, but that's the sh!ttest reason to be anxious i ever did hear!! :D

You're right to be worried about the dutch. Their humour definitely shades ever so gradually into that of their German neighbours (joke!), but not ALL dutch people are like that. I know/knew a dutch girl who was really warm and bubbly and not only did she joke about in a British way, but she found the whole British humour fascinating. For example, she would laugh at a fart....not what you'd usually expect from a sophisticated European!!

So you know what to do...when you first meet up with her say 'alright love, you dont mind waiting a few minutes while I use the khazi do ya? I was on the razz last night watching the match...did you see Smithy's goal? Blinder, weren' it. Overdid it a bit, 12 pints and a Madras and now my ring's red raw. Not to mention me bum gravy!' If she laughs, you're on to a winner...if she gives you a steely teutonic stare, maybe you can catch the next eurostar home.

good luck!

gav
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
hahahaha, I know exactly what you mean Gavin. That teutonic stare, lol.
But the good thing is I was talking to her on the phone yesterday, and she really seems to be an easy person to get on with. All I want at this stage is for her to be able to talk to me, just talk and talk and talk. For some reason every single girl I've been with in the past hasn't really been able to do that, making me do all the work. But she seems to be the first one that has the ability to just talk to me. I'm certain she understands my sense of humour as well. Thinking about it, it's amazing actually, cos' my humour is pretty absurd.
With a bit of luck it could really be a great trip, and perhaps pave the way for future great trips. It would definately add some much needed spice to my life.
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
hahahaha, I know exactly what you mean Gavin. That teutonic stare, lol.
But the good thing is I was talking to her on the phone yesterday, and she really seems to be an easy person to get on with. All I want at this stage is for her to be able to talk to me, just talk and talk and talk. For some reason every single girl I've been with in the past hasn't really been able to do that, making me do all the work. But she seems to be the first one that has the ability to just talk to me. I'm certain she understands my sense of humour as well. Thinking about it, it's amazing actually, cos' my humour is pretty absurd.
With a bit of luck it could really be a great trip, and perhaps pave the way for future great trips. It would definately add some much needed spice to my life.
 

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Dude, whatever the outcome it's gonna be a great trip...cause it beats staying at home and regretting not going. Go for it!

g
 

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Dude, whatever the outcome it's gonna be a great trip...cause it beats staying at home and regretting not going. Go for it!

g
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
Damn! I was casually browesing the net today, very bored I was, when I stumbled across an article on what is supposedly the top model agency in Amsterdam. One of the guys whose part of it is one of the biggest male models in the world. The site was very classy, but reeked of fashion oriented, snooty decadence.
Surely she couldn't be on this site, surely not. There she was, oh my God. It really hit home how rich and succesful she already was. I'd half forgotten what she looks like. She's sent me a few holiday pictures, but they're quite far off. These pictures were all on her, parading her before me like porn (although the images weren't pornographic).
Her looks weren't comercial. The pictures made her look like some sort of mystical creature. An elf queen, residing deep within some magical forest, astride an ethereal unicorn, unusual but captivating.
Then I did what I do best, I had a panic attack. It was too much, she seemed too inaccesible, too good for me. I didn't have time to be bowled over by her beauty or anything, I was too anxious
'What the hell am I doing, I'm gonna die out there,' I thought. Again those words 'This doesn't make sense'.
But I'm still going, even though I'm half mad. :cry:
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Damn! I was casually browesing the net today, very bored I was, when I stumbled across an article on what is supposedly the top model agency in Amsterdam. One of the guys whose part of it is one of the biggest male models in the world. The site was very classy, but reeked of fashion oriented, snooty decadence.
Surely she couldn't be on this site, surely not. There she was, oh my God. It really hit home how rich and succesful she already was. I'd half forgotten what she looks like. She's sent me a few holiday pictures, but they're quite far off. These pictures were all on her, parading her before me like porn (although the images weren't pornographic).
Her looks weren't comercial. The pictures made her look like some sort of mystical creature. An elf queen, residing deep within some magical forest, astride an ethereal unicorn, unusual but captivating.
Then I did what I do best, I had a panic attack. It was too much, she seemed too inaccesible, too good for me. I didn't have time to be bowled over by her beauty or anything, I was too anxious
'What the hell am I doing, I'm gonna die out there,' I thought. Again those words 'This doesn't make sense'.
But I'm still going, even though I'm half mad. :cry:
 

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Axel, news flash... She likes you already! You already made the grade! The fact that she's stunning and succesful shouldn't intimidate you, it should make you feel even prouder than you felt when she first showed interest. Yeah, with credentials like that she could have her pick of blokes, but she's chose you! You should be strutting like a peacock right now, not having second thoughts. It's like you're about to win the FA cup but you're still thinking about the quarter finals. That's understandable - sometimes reality takes a while to catch up with us. But just play it cool and it soon will!

gav
 

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Axel, news flash... She likes you already! You already made the grade! The fact that she's stunning and succesful shouldn't intimidate you, it should make you feel even prouder than you felt when she first showed interest. Yeah, with credentials like that she could have her pick of blokes, but she's chose you! You should be strutting like a peacock right now, not having second thoughts. It's like you're about to win the FA cup but you're still thinking about the quarter finals. That's understandable - sometimes reality takes a while to catch up with us. But just play it cool and it soon will!

gav
 

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dont break her heart axel. you may think that because shes beautiful and successful that shes unattainable. but thats her biggest flaw. EVERY guy gets a panic episode over her! its harder for pretty girls to get guys. dont ask me why. it doesnt work that way for the opposite sex though. girls throw themselves at hot guys but guys seem to run from girls that look like too much of a challenge. give her a chance. she deserves it.
 

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dont break her heart axel. you may think that because shes beautiful and successful that shes unattainable. but thats her biggest flaw. EVERY guy gets a panic episode over her! its harder for pretty girls to get guys. dont ask me why. it doesnt work that way for the opposite sex though. girls throw themselves at hot guys but guys seem to run from girls that look like too much of a challenge. give her a chance. she deserves it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Well thanks for all the advice and encouragement guys. SB, I seriously doubt I'll be breaking anyone's heart, I'm gonna' do my best to make this work.
Well my flight departs tomorrow at 11:40. Predictibly, my dp/dr has gone through the roof. I'm a cadavarous wreck, knackered beyond all of God's mercy. I doubt I'll be a pretty picture when she finally sees me. On a lighter note, my acne has all but vanished, thanks to meds and a vastly improved diet. I hope I can turn on the charm when it finally matters. I don't want to see her, fall to pieces, and greet her with nothing more than a nervous smile and a working class 'Alright!?!'. :lol:

I pray to God that this works out.

Thanks once more.
 
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