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I ve been dealing with OCD since I was 10 (I'm 27 now) but this feels like a evolution of the darkness in me. I watched the Saw movies and in the movie Jigsaw has this philosophy that people who haven't gone through intense physical and psychological pain then they can't appreciate life. You can only appreciate life when very terrible things happen to you.

Now it has gotten into my brain that evil is good and I should go and cause pain to people because that will make me a hero because I have brought meaning into their lives. I know these thoughts and immoral but they feel so true and right to me now. I have been emotionless and unempathetic for awhile now so I am unable to muster up any counterarguments to these thoughts.

It feels like my entire being has accepted Jigsaws philosophy as gospel and that evil is good and that I now love evil. It feels as if my soul has been warped into a evil abomination. I try to ignore the thoughts and move on with my life but I feel so empty and soulless and I feel guilty (as much as an emotionless person can feel guilty) because I feel so evil and twisted and because now that I agree with Jigsaws evil philosophy I have been permantly tainted and can never go back to being a normal person. I feel like I can't be forgiven. I can muster up no arguments, no emotional reaction, no empathy, nothing. I don't care about anyone anymore. I wish I wasn't like this but I feel so empty, apathetic and evil. Or maybe there is no evil and I am just following the rule of life or something. Is this OCD, or am I permantly broken? I don't like these thoughts.
 

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Nah you're not evil you're just lingering on this concept because the rest of life doesn't have much meaning to you right now. Also when we have anxiety thoughts stick to us like glue. Many times I've been trapped by a thought process it just takes a while for your attention to shift.

It's not uncommon to get caught up in things you see through various media. I mean, on an intellectual level you're allowed to think whatever you want. I was having a chat with my brother recently about how adversity is a good thing and what you're into right now is quite similar to that. Also, on an intellectual level, i agree with thanos ????‍♂ but i recognise there are moral implications.

I will say... the saw movies are not good and you have a choice of what kind of media you consume. If that is the type of movie you watch when you're depressed and DPd don't expect good, life enhancing things to come from it. What you choose to focus on matters.
 

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I ve been dealing with OCD since I was 10 (I'm 27 now) but this feels like a evolution of the darkness in me. I watched the Saw movies and in the movie Jigsaw has this philosophy that people who haven't gone through intense physical and psychological pain then they can't appreciate life. You can only appreciate life when very terrible things happen to you.

Now it has gotten into my brain that evil is good and I should go and cause pain to people because that will make me a hero because I have brought meaning into their lives. I know these thoughts and immoral but they feel so true and right to me now. I have been emotionless and unempathetic for awhile now so I am unable to muster up any counterarguments to these thoughts.

It feels like my entire being has accepted Jigsaws philosophy as gospel and that evil is good and that I now love evil. It feels as if my soul has been warped into a evil abomination. I try to ignore the thoughts and move on with my life but I feel so empty and soulless and I feel guilty (as much as an emotionless person can feel guilty) because I feel so evil and twisted and because now that I agree with Jigsaws evil philosophy I have been permantly tainted and can never go back to being a normal person. I feel like I can't be forgiven. I can muster up no arguments, no emotional reaction, no empathy, nothing. I don't care about anyone anymore. I wish I wasn't like this but I feel so empty, apathetic and evil. Or maybe there is no evil and I am just following the rule of life or something. Is this OCD, or am I permantly broken? I don't like these thoughts.
And what makes you so sure this is true to begin with? It's fiction. It's a silly movie, and the character in question is a psychopath anyway.

Putting someone through intense suffering could just as well make them hate life and want to die because those experiences haunt them for the rest of their lives and have scarred them psychologically. In fact, I see that as the more likely scenario. Why do you think PTSD sufferers are more likely to commit suicide? Nah, those traumatic experiences just made them appreciate life more and live to the fullest!!!1 clearly it is so!

I can muster up no arguments
Then you're not thinking. You're probably so infatuated with this crap that you don't even want to think.

I have been permantly tainted and can never go back to being a normal person
No, you can easily go back once you realize how silly and one-dimensional this idea is.
 

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The plot for SAW is just an excuse for showing sadistic, movie rating committee approved murder porn. Jigsaw is flimsier than the worst comic book villain, because the movies are pretty much cheap thrills, and stupid fun for people with sadistic desires they're too timid or just unable to enact.
This exactly.

The character isn't based on some profound philosophy but is just a big bad villain designed to confer an illusion of depth to the gore porn that the franchise is.
 
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