Since I got into this condition, I feel that I passed away and this is my hell. Yes, I still try hard to continue work, study, socialising, etc but everything is not as easy and flexible as it used to be. There is something humane there that is missing. Everyday is a struggle and the tragedy continues. Could this be really our hell? The problem is that many of the people who are here are very young and had no time to sin to be taken to hell soon for nothing they committed. All this makes me question God's existence again. Why would he make people struggle in this way if he really existed? I started reading Jeffrey Abugel's book Stranger To My Self: Inside Depersonalization yesterday in which he mentions that he wished that had any other disease except this mental disorder. Any other disease could have been treated while this fucking disorder has no clear treatment. You have to test many chemicals, on your brain, which is the most important organ of your body, risking making things even worse, to know whether something works or not. That sucks!