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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi people,

Today , and those days, I feel crazy. I am afraid because I am lost in myself, and I am so afraid what will happen. I want hope, that I will be normal one day. I don't know if Paxil is good, I would like to try Ananfrail, I am afraid of all. On top of that I had a fight with my boyfriend. I feel like excited one minute, then so depressed after. I feel like I think at 100 miles an hour.

Can you just give me hope that it can be cured totally? (even if you aren't)? I need hope, even if you don't believe it! I need to imagine it's totally curable and I'll never end up in a mental hospital.

Let's go have faith :0

I am f... afraid.


Cyn xxx :shock:

Discussion Starter · #3 ·
At similar moments I was on the phone with the doctor TRYING to get into a mental hospital. I know that terror, dear one. And it is NOT permanent. It is not.

I have felt every conceivable experience of believing I was seconds away from going stark raving insane. I could FEEL myself vanishing, I could FEEL myself losing my own ability to think.....I would literally SHAKE from the terror, like somebody seconds away from being murdered.

I'm still here.

And I have no symptoms now.

TRUST me, you are having an almost predictable response right now - the fights with the boyfriend, the insurance coverage coming to an end, feeling like you have already tried all the possible ARE at the end of your rope in a way. People are losing patience with you (family and boyfriend) and your anxiety is mounting.

That is not brain damage, dear one. That is normal human fear at a very predictable junction in your life. Add that ON TOP of the already heightened dp and anixety and depression..and of COURSE you feel like you're going insane.

You are going to make it, Cynthia. Trust me.


Discussion Starter · #4 ·
I am living proof that you will not go crazy.
I am also somewhat unique in that I have been DP/DR for as long as I have.
My point is - DP/DR is not insanity (my hunch is that insanity is an easier way to be). And believe it or not, like it or not, trust me or not - it will not make you crazy. If are too sane.

Cynthia, think of me as a worst case scenario. Somebody who has been living in this hell for many, many years. And - I am still here. What's more, I am still waiting for what I know will come: peace.
No matter how bad today is - tomorrow will still come. And it presents another chance to get out of this.

Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Cynthia, babe,

I promise you. On my LIFE. you will NOT feel this way for the rest of your life. You have severe anxiety and anxiety is very curable. Just keep working on recovery and be patient. It's normal to feel stress to the things going on in your life, it's just 50 times harder for you because of your already anxious state.

Hang in there sweetheart you are going to be FINE. I promise. You are on earth, everyone around you is real, and you are going to be okay.

· Registered
544 Posts
i feel for you cynthia...

and i, like many others on here, can relate to what you are saying...

i am also very afraid right now....just want this to go...

there is hope...

you will be ok...

one day you will wake up and feel fine...

maybe we will wake on the same day and feel fine :)

take care of yourself...

thinking of you.

· Registered
667 Posts
I can relate 100% Cynthia. I feel exactly the same way. You are not alone! I had a fight with my girlfriend last Thursday and then some smaller tiffs this weekend, which makes my already established depression and anxiety alot worse! I had another rough weekend, but I remained active. I went out of town Friday evening. Ran errands with my girlfriend all day Saturday and was able to make it through a wedding ceremony on Saturday evening. Though I felt DPed and out of it, I pushed through. And here I am another Monday. It has been three weeks (tomorrow) since I have been having this recent bad episode. The longest period I have had this in a long time. It is scary, but what can I do besides continue to push? It's about all I (we) can do!

Janine and SC...your words are always so comforting. Each night I go to sleep hoping the next day will be the day I snap out of this episode and more importantly DP as a whole! I will keep pushing and Cynthia I know you will as well. Take care.


Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks, you put a balm on my heart.

I feel so bad, like the world gonna change right in front of me. I feel like I missed 1 year of myself. I tried Ativan today, and I don't like the feeling at all. :( I don't know what to do, I feel like I have to change something. I am interested in Anafranil, but I am afraid to be worse. I tried to upgrade Paxil, but it didn,t work. But I have to if I want to see changes. I feel like Klonopin doesn't do a thing for me now, just calming me. :x

Yesterday I had major insomnia. I just thought of not having meds for a while, then I thought of all the pain I have gone through last december when I was off-meds. And I don't want to feel that way again. But I feel bad with those meds too. I hate that condition. :evil:

To be honest (and I know it's not good), the only thing who calms me is sleep pills sometimes. I can sleep and I am so happy. After, I feel not very good.

But I would like SO MUCH to sleep like before my delivery, w/o meds, sleep in peace, by my own, and no thinking that I am gonna crazy and have fear to go to the bathroom in the night because I will feel derealization hard. :!:

Depression hits me so hard. If only I wasn't depressed. I search for an antidep who will up me. I feel like my life is boring and I didn't realize it before.

Thanks for holding my hand I feel terrible.

Janine PM me when you have time.


Cyn xxx
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