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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So I've been dealing with dp/dr which I think originated because of everything in my life snowballing up followed by a bad traumatizing acid trip where I thought I died.
It started when I smoked weed and had a really bad ear infection and I got a loud ringing in my ear was running on no sleep because I was drinking nightly, and for the first time in two years I went a week being sober because I couldn't drink on my antibiotics and dp/dr came out of nowhere when I went to the doctors and they said I didn't have my ear infection so I shouldn't be off balanced and dizzy and wierd feeling and I woke up that night at 3am in a complete mental breakdown. I made my mom take me to the hospital because I felt like I was literally going to lose my mind and go crazy. I kept thinking "what if I died when I did acid and this is my afterlife" and a ton of different things. Anyways I told him excactly how I felt and the doctor said it was dp/dr and medicine would help.

I was prescribed gabapentin 3 times a day 100mg each pill and it made it so much worse. So I'm now weaning off and trying a therapist but she seems to make it worse because I feel like she doesn't know enough about the topic...

So my big thing is do other people feel what i feel or am I going crazy.. my minor symptoms are

Muffled hearing
Ringing in left ear
Tingling on left cheek
Seeing a black dot or clear clusters floating around
Headaches

The symptoms that are freaking me out the most are
Thoughts that I'm going crazy
Feeling like I'm not alive
Feeling like I'm not in control of my mind
The feeling that I'll be this way forever

My most bothering, obsessive thought is that
The fact I feel like I keep "forgetting" I'm alive, it's like when I felt normal I'd look around and be like " oh I'm alive this is wierd!" Then snap out of it, but it's a 24/7 feeling. I keep doing it and doing it and feel like I'm going to forget my own existence ! But then I think that's impossible to do, life is the only thing I know. I'm so scared. I'm so scared I'm going crazy, or I'm going to lose my sanity, or develop schizophrenia..
My family history only consists of ADHD , OCD, bipolar, severe anxiety and severe depression, which I have all but the depression part..

And is anxiety an actual chemical imbalance that I absolutely need meds for?! Or can I do this on my own?

I just want to know it's impossible for me to develop schizophrenia and that this will go away and that other people feel this way.. I'm losing hope..
 

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"I keep forgetting I'm alive" this has never resonated with me more. I've been in this hell for 5 months and that symptom has always been there. I will be laying down not even thinking and then I'll move and that movement reminds me that I exist and then I freak out for a second. Anytime I touch or do something i have severe anxiety because I feel like I'm not myself yet doing that reminds me that I'm real and living in this crap.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
"I keep forgetting I'm alive" this has never resonated with me more. I've been in this hell for 5 months and that symptom has always been there. I will be laying down not even thinking and then I'll move and that movement reminds me that I exist and then I freak out for a second. Anytime I touch or do something i have severe anxiety because I feel like I'm not myself yet doing that reminds me that I'm real and living in this crap.
I haven't met anyone else but one co worker that does this too! That's the only way I can describe it is like I keep forgetting and re realizing it's insane. But if we think about it there's no possible way to forget what life is, it's anxiety making up new ways to scare us but it's freaking me out
 

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I haven't met anyone else but one co worker that does this too! That's the only way I can describe it is like I keep forgetting and re realizing it's insane. But if we think about it there's no possible way to forget what life is, it's anxiety making up new ways to scare us but it's freaking me out
Lately that has been one of my worst symptoms! I'm on an antibiotic right now that causes dizziness and heart palpitations which only adds to the depersonalization. I can't even remember what normal life was like and I'm terrified that it'll never return. DP had turned my life upside down. It's like I can barely function anymore. I constantly am scared that I'm dying or going crazy. My parents have been my biggest supporters through this. But yeah, it's pretty nuts! The only way I can calm myself down when I'm feeling this bad is to take a klonipin. I only take 0.25mg though so not a heavy dose, but it calms me down
 

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The only thing that has helped this for me is the medication Klonopin at 3 mg per day, sometimes a little more if I'm feeling extra anxious. The Klonopin makes me feel 90% back to normal.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Lately that has been one of my worst symptoms! I'm on an antibiotic right now that causes dizziness and heart palpitations which only adds to the depersonalization. I can't even remember what normal life was like and I'm terrified that it'll never return. DP had turned my life upside down. It's like I can barely function anymore. I constantly am scared that I'm dying or going crazy. My parents have been my biggest supporters through this. But yeah, it's pretty nuts! The only way I can calm myself down when I'm feeling this bad is to take a klonipin. I only take 0.25mg though so not a heavy dose, but it calms me down
I've finally talked to my boyfriend and told him I was feeling like this because he's been through the same thing but much much worse he couldn't even talk for a bit when he had it and I didn't know this until I told him how I have been feeling and he says that it's like day dreaming. We're so in our thoughts obsessing over them that when we stop for a brief second we pay attention to what's right in front of us and think we forgot we're alive. We never forgot because of we did how would we be functioning people and know about our own existence! It's like when you zone out or aren't paying attention things are going on around us that we don't realize then we realize what's going on. It's a normal human thing we just intensify it because of our own feelings. And thank you both I will talk to my doctor about that !
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
And I was 99% non functioning at first a few months ago my boyfriend literally dragged me out of the room to socialize and I'm glad he did because it helped so much. So we should give ourselves credit for how much better we are though it feels like this is never gonna go away can you imagine still feeling how we felt day one?
 
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