[Guest]

WOW, Two posts in one day for me, thats taking it back to last year when i was this panic stricken, scared out of my mind newcomer. Now a year deep and im still scared out of my mind, but less panic stricken.

Anyways, what I don't seem to understand is this, and I have brought this very fact up to other people such as my therapist and family members. There are problems that are SOOOOOOOOOOOO much worse than DP/DR and yet I have allowed what should have been something small and irrelevant take over my life. I as MANY OF YOU, have become engrossed with this DP/DR bull shit and frankly now, after a year its almost to a point where its either get better or die.

This week has been one of the worst weeks for me in a while and it has made me realize that alot worse things could be happening to me, so this whole DP/DR thing should be NOTHING, it should be a mynute thought in the back of my head. I feel like a little bitch complaining about my fuckin problems. Im gonna be a GROWN ASS MAN in a few years and I really need to get past this shit or im not gonna make it. Like tonight, I just found out one of my friends might be going to jail because he beat up three bus drivers and hes already on probation for drug distrobution. Than some fuckin broad hits the rearview mirror on my car which is a tiny stress but a stress never the less. Im also in the process of building a recording studio and ive had numerous complications with that due to shadiness and miscommunication, I might be loosing my job, and theres alot of other shadiness going on with people I know. THESE ARE THINGS to worry about, these are things that have meaning to them. What meaning does DEPERSONALIZATION HAVE?????

And if you want to make the spectrum wider, look at what happened in Thailand, NOW THATS A FUCKIN PROBLEM, DP/DR is a little shit compared to that. over 100,000 people dead because of a tidal wave? THATS INSANITY, we aren't insane, THAT IS INSANE.

I dunno im just rambling here, because I don't understand why things are the way they are or how im gonna get out of this mess that I call life. Its like here I am, good parents, roof over my head, I have opportunities in front of me, I should have nothing wrong with me, I should be happy with my life. I mean i got friends who's moms are addicted to crack, and kids who do all kinds of crazy/illegal shit. And than theres things like Tsunami and the war in Iraq, and here I am with DP/DR, it just doesn't make sense.

I dunno if any of you can relate to this post, but fuck it, this is how im feeling at the moment.

no PEACE

 

[rob]

sb

i understand your point but horrific events that take place every day in other parts of the world don't alter the fact of your illness and the pain and suffering it causes - and it's not like saying ouch this hurts but I know I'll feel better in a few weeks

there is no logic or reason to the way in which our brains are put together - some of us are susceptible to dp/dr, others aren't - what else is there to say?

hope you're ok

rob

 

[Guest]

yeah.. hes kinda right though.. but its all inversely subsequent to the nature of man. Like think about it..

Suffering is only relative to the individual
Empathy is relative
Sympathy is not relative.. but assumed as relative

Well, if we suffer it.. we know it well. We know DP well.. When there is no tsunami to drive our focus, there is the DP to recursively observe upon. Our sympathies tell us they are suffering worse, but we still suffer. Its all very relative to the person. As most of us (i think) have figured out, we are alone inside our heads. Everything outside ourselves, including other people, even if its against our own nature to say so.. arent us, so they dont play in our game. We feel everything that happens to our self and dwell on it, poignantly regardless of personal intent. Ours is not a sudden burden.. ours is prolonged. Sometimes it feels that by driving your will hard enough, you can make it past the affliction.. if you just willfully say hey.. this isn't so bad it might go away. Yeah but it never does.. and its always there.. and you always feel outcast.. you always feel jaded. Life is a joke to you so why direct your efforts to even attempt at becoming something that only your biology can change. It is human afterall. We are doomed to what we are.. as ar the tsunami victims doomed to their last demise. There is no differnce in suffering..

eDfGr33n
"futility"

 

[Guest]

that if you are analyzing yourself that much and you can feel that the tsunami IS a disaster, and it makes you feel a certain feeling because other people have problems as well- i would consider that a good sign at least temporarily.......keep your head on stright. yes- it is tragic--- but dont forget that you have FEELINGS too- and that doesnt make you any less of a man thananyone else bc you are upset about it. really. hope that makes sense. good luck
today-----

 

[Guest]

Wow, I can relate to you 100% dog.

I'm 18, a hip hop writer/recording artist, cute as a mawfucka with animalistic bicepts.. and yet, I suffer from these unexplainable disorders that affect me to the point I'm unable to leave my house in fear. Sometime's I feel greedy.. like, why am I so depressed and bitter over this when it can be MUCH worse (like starving ethiopians)

BUT, then I compare myself to people who have it good as hell, like a scale almost lol...

1) I have horrendous disorder's that tear me up inside 24/7 and make me feel like hell, 2) I cant even leave my house.. and havnt for about 2 year's now, 3) I didnt even step foot in a high school, 4) Me and my fam are semi-broke and it's getting harder for us to live, 5) had a fucked up past etc etc..

And it even's out.. and I feel like, aiight.. I CAN mourn once in a while.
Know what I mean?
I pitty anyone (including myself) who has this disorder, it's one of the worst feeling's imaginable (and believe me, I've felt mad physical pain in the likes of burns, stab wounds, broken bones etc etc and their much more pleasent)

But chyea, I feel myself about to go on a ramble spree, so I'm end this with a nice BLAH BLAH, fuck the world and dont let anything/anyone get to ya, it's nuffin

 

[JasonFar]

Hey Hibernation just wanted to say you're cool and I know you've been through a lot and are still going through a lot... My heart tugs for you man.

 

[Guest]

Yeah, its like one big neverending stab in the face. What hurts me the most is all of our potential that we cannot attain. Most of my life prospects have gone out the window because of this crap.

 

[Guest]

Hey Hibernation just wanted to say you're cool and I know you've been through a lot and are still going through a lot... My heart tugs for you man.

Thank you, Jason