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Hi, i'm Nicolas, 19 years old.

Does anyone relate? It feels like i've always been this way, one thing i can say is that i have DP/DR for at least 5 years, but don't know exactly how or when it started, i just know that there was some point in my life that i could truly feel and experience life the way it should be, but now, i am in a state that i call "cage". I can watch my life passing,day by day, like autopilot, and what happened yesterday, last week, last month, last year, feels like never happened, because i have no connection with my memories, and sometimes no memories at all. I just feel that i am wasting my life, and it sucks. I think i have the most chronic, 24/7, incurable case of DR in the world. It affected me so much, that i feel like it is "rooted" in personality, became a part of me, and i can't imagine how truly experiencing life would feel like, it's like trying to imagine 4D. I just want to know if there is someone that feels exactly like me, because most cases that i see here are not chronic, and people always know how and when it started.
 

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I don't know if I can say I feel exactly like you (I doubt anyone here can, truly), but I relate a lot. Though I don't think I ever experienced life the way most people do, there used to at least be a beauty and a continuity to life that I no longer can feel. I used to at least feel connected to some things and people. But I used to be able to experience nature and music especially strongly. That alone made life worth living for me. Now I've lost all of that. My symptom progression hasn't been like a switch turning off, as some people have claimed for their DP, but rather it was a slow progression, followed by a rapid progression around age 20, then a little bit of a recovery, followed by progressing symptoms to this day now. I'm 35 now. But I don't think I've ever felt fully "normal".
 

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I can relate 100% I have had this feeling my entire life,but it was different than it is now for the past 2/3 years. But it was always somewhat in the background lingering and popping up sometimes. I also can't give you an exact moment or date at which this shit started. What have you tried so far to battle this shit?
 
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