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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Wow, it's so great to find a site like this.
I do cruise on another dp sites, but i love how this forum is setup.
Just like the scrapbooking ones i go on. :)
So I'm cuting and pasting from another site about my biggest
challenges with this condition..

This is probably the worst symptom of dp I get.
That darn heightened awareness.
I think I've been able to narrow down my dp with just 3 different
symptoms: Too high awareness, No happenings, and Futurizing.
And right now it's too high of awareness, cause I don't want to see anything.
A couple of days ago I was talking to someone and we were both mentioning how
I was different today, more happy and "there"
She asked what changed, how I feel different from other days, and I said "Well, I like
what I'm seeing" (physicaly and mentaly)
And it was true, I liked my outer view and inner self veiw.
But right now I feel tortured by both, which makes me feel like I can't go on.
I think all it takes is someone speaking negativley about me.
I also have the "futurizing" right now.
And I think thats connected with the heightened awareness, cause I don't like
seeing anything right now, so I don't feel like I can go on. Makes sense?
Other times I'm ok with what I see, but I don't like the fact that things are "happening" to me.
The derealization sometimes bring me in a state where I feel like "life is happening to me"
Instead of "me happening in life" Maybe it's a loss of control?
It's a scary perspective to be in. I'm not sure what is worse.
I've been trying to think of solutions, but I hate imagining me going on in life.
It's overwhelming. Living, having things happen no matter what it is, seeing everything, thinking...etc What helps for the futurizing is saying to myself "millions can do it, they can live
and they don't even have to try, they just do it, so i can too."
For the "happenings" I just say "nothing is happening to me, everything is happening to (the me I have seperate myself from so she doesnt get this dp/dr.
It sort of seperates me from life with that perspective, so it's easier to go on.
And the seeing, I try to just think about how it's possible where you can "indulge"
in things, and not be aware that your "seeing" anything.
I hardly ever get in that "trance" anymore, and thats the "break" i get from this when it does.
So I'm trying to create more of those "engrossed, subconcious?,non refelcting"
Cause that eases the dp /dr to almost nothing, and I'm back from that deep dark illness
(thats how i felt when i was "myself' again once)
The downfall is when i start reflecting and analizing, thats what i have to avoid doing.
Say I'm drawing, and start thinking about what im doing, instead of "being indugled in what im doing" Thats me reflecting, and the more i do the more pointlessism builds up till i just have to drop the pencil and want to knock myself out.
Ok I'm feeling better now, after typing this, as usual, it works like a charm :)
Just going to keep my thoughts surfaced so no reflection becomes of it :)
Anyone else get any of this?
Thanks for listening
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