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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Last night i went out had a lot of drink and a lot of whiskey. I used to enjoy going out and socializing and keep getting it in my head that i'll enjoy these things again but I never do. I find it absolutely impossible to enjoy even a solitary moment and nowadays hangovers are repetitive suicidal amd existential thoughts. The more i try to inhabit my former self the less like myself i feel. And I've felt like an alien in my own body for a year or more now. I don't know how long this will last but im struggling guys and losing hope fast
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I have a perpetual phobia of time which came on because of dpdr, for no particular reason it just developed when I was dpd. I have no emotions left, no personality and and all the intelliegence and learning I've done over the years is just gone now.

I started up an old wargaming hobby I used to be involved in which is something other than my old love for grain alcohol haha. But i can't get over the fact I'm a 28 year old incapacitated man child living at his mothers house and scared of his own shadow. Dpd is unbelievable suffering
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm real quiet nowadays, I have the same problems of reconciling past, present and future in a way that is mentally comfortable. I guess the 'present' is my most comfortable realm but it is still difficult because of my anxieties, but I force myself onwards to the end of the day.

Thank you for saying. When I'm out in public people think I'm just a tight lipped and serious guy. But I'm not, at least not by nature. An old friend recently told me she always remembered my 'wicked energy' and I guess that was what I was like, always finding a buzz in small things, finding something to be interested in and engaging others with whatever passion was on my mind at that moment. I haven't felt like that in a long time now.

It's true that my core values haven't actually changed but are just very covered up and disconnected. But... well that's DP.

Did you google wargaming? It's kind of nerdy but it's a very rewarding hobby with all the painting and time you gotta put into it. I play age of empires on PC and used to play MMOs too. Never done airsoft, but I'm a pretty neat shot with an air rifle, used to take it up to my nans estate and let rip. sold the property a few years back now so now it's just sat there all sad looking not being fired (I live in the UK so actual firearms aren't allowed).
 
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