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hey my names dave

i'm 15, i've had dp for 1.5 years now after an emotionally abusive relationship that went for 2 years (age 12-13)

im struggling with high school and myself

im transgender, and im closeted at school and my parents arent too emotionally supportive. (i've been identifying as trans since i was 11 years old, so i know its not a product of the dp)

and im really lost, i only get to be called my preferred name and pronouns once every two weeks when i see my friends

i feel like this hurts my dp really badly, i feel constantly out of it; its the worse at school. and even when i am hanging out with friends i still feel somewhat fake and unreal and i just wish i could be enjoying the moment as wholeheartedly as they seem to

i physically cannot do my school work, my brain has no capacity for it and i end up spacing out and being completely blank

its even worse with math (which im failing) because my brain refuses to process and numbers (its affecting my physics class too

i currently go to a private school, i've been here for half a year now (i came here at the end of 2017) and i have basically 0 social contact with my peers, i have no friends and im struggling

i have the opportunity to change schools in the next five weeks, to a public school which i previously attended and i do have friends there and i will be allowed to socially transition.

i know that agreeing to change schools would be so much better for my mental health, i dont know if itd cure my dp but i feel like itd make it so much better for people to call you your actual name every instead of being called someone else who you dont even know anymore

im just worried about what school i graduate? do i want to fail at a private school or succeed at a public school? honestly i think the decisions up to my parents

but i would survive much better at this pubic school

any older trans people with dp know if socially transitioning will help ? i dont know if i'll ever feel real again, or genuine. i dont know if ive ever felt real at this point, i have no memory of stuff before

sorry for my rambling, and comments will be appreciated
 

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If you think you will do better at the public school then you should definitely go and if it will help your dp too. You should explain to your parents this is what you think is the best thing for you, doing what feels right is important. Can't help with being trans but I'm failing maths too (used to be super good at it) english isn't so bad bc I'm good at thinking too much. I'd say to ask for as much help as you can from teachers and when working at home set yourself reasonable times for spending on it, if you feel really bad one day then don't but take breaks go for a walk listen to music talk with your family etc whatever makes you feel a bit better
 
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