Depersonalization Support Forum banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi I have been tapering benzo's all year so I felt like absolute shit it is true horror, tons and tons of anxiety and depression, maybe a little dp/dr but because I never heard of it it never bothered me so it never really stuck,

Because I used to smoke pot in the past I thought I could use some relief from the shitstorm I was in and smoke some, big mistake because I was anxious beforehand. Had a horrible bad trip were I went into a thought loop and thought I would never get out. Truly thought I went insane..

As everybody who went into a bad trip went to google to see if you went psychotic or schitzofrenic. You soon find out you are not but you wind up on websites about HPPD and dp/dr.

Well that lit the fuze, because I am anxious af for months on end, and have an obsessive nature I latched onto dp/dr...

If I have never read it I probably would not even feel like I have it. But now I do and I probably have it a bit, but the problem is if I never researched it it would not bother me but I did. Thats why I hate google now...

The only thing I currently experience is feeling weird in my body and being very self consious to see if I have DP, constantly checking, very very self aware and locked up in my head, some loss of identity due to all the worry. But my bet it is all due to the very bad trip and amounts of stress and googling dp so now I check If I have it.

It made a shift in my consious to now being very focussed on myself and my movements and feel like I am not my old self anymore. But if there was no google I am 100% sure I would not even have this shit. But you can't unread what you read.

The issue is I am far not done with my taper even had to updose because of my stupid mistake, I am mostly housebound because tapering benzo's is horrible and one thing it gives you(temporary) is anxiety, racing intrusive thoughts, OCD so I can't get out there and live my life and that is bad because I can't fight my way out of this funk. If I would be healthy I would be over this in a couple of months but now I feel so trapped.

I keep telling myself my old self is gone because I can't shake this thought. This is all so stupid, probably no one can really help but just had to get it off my chest. Feel horrible for everyone dealing with this shit :(
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
46 Posts
I absolutely agree with this. I don't believe everyone is a hypochondria (I.e. web md everything) but they literally type how they feel into google and bam.... information overload and discussion you can relate too so now you are by virtue and not voluntarily - part of the community (dp/dr do self help or dp on reddit)

I truly believe you can think yourself into anxiety and depressed based situations (different then "thinking" yourself into bipolar, etc)

If I never came across this info and relatable topics, I would probably have a less severe form or at the very least - not think about it so much

Mm
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
65 Posts
I agree. Or if I would have gotten help for my anxiety befor it led to this I would be a normal person. Like I truly fill like my life is over. I hate this so much
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
143 Posts
So you can basically talk yourself into DP, this is some crazy shit...
don't blame your self for using Google ,it's not your fault ,what you are feeling could be from the taper from benzos. I wouldn't use weed. I'm not trying to scare you im just sharing my opinion. If you are going to taper pls be careful and do some research. ????I'm here if you need to talk
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
87 Posts
I disagree, because i was feeling unreal and zoned out almost everywhere i went.. I was so anxious to be that way and i thought i was alone in this matter. After a couple of months i looked up my symptoms and saw that other people experienced the same things, so i felt a slight relief.

But i can imagine that having OCD or fear of illness/hypochondria can make you think you have got dp/dr or will let you stay in the loop. I have all of those, but i'm pretty sure i got mine before googling it. It might be the case that the internet kept me in this vicious circle, because i reckon that people a hundred years ago just went on with their lives if they were feeling this way. Nowadays its a lot easier to just lay in your bed, google your symptoms and feel sorry for yourself. I dont know, i'd like to think society is f**ked up anyways right now lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
31 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
i reckon that people a hundred years ago just went on with their lives if they were feeling this way.
Exactly my thoughts, you think people 60 years ago gave a fuck about dp, they would probably be out of it in a few months max...maybe even a couple of days...

Ignorance is a bliss.

I once went to see a doc, I was very fatigued. The dumb bitch said you might have lymes, so I started googling and one of the symptoms is tinnitus and fatigue. I had a little bit of tinnitus which I never even heard but soon as I focussed on it I went ballistic. Till today that same tinnitus is 5x louder because I latched onto it. If I havent went on google or that dumbass doc never mentioned it I would still hear silence. I also had to find the most expensive lyme testing in the world to find out I didn't have it. The power of suggestion and googling shit is insane..

I think I am already slowly recovering.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
70 Posts
i got my dp through being afraid of getting dp. I becamce insanely self aware to the point where i felt i didnt exist and actually felt dp. If you focus to much on yourself you loose yourself, thats how it works because there has never been a self you could pinpoint, thats just not how reality is setup. The feeling of self is all the parts of you playing together nicely, being integrated and that self awareness causes disintegration and then you get stuck there because you keep trying to find yourself which just makes it worse. If thats the mechanism behind your dp, you just gotta learn to let it go and forget about it
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
87 Posts
i got my dp through being afraid of getting dp. I becamce insanely self aware to the point where i felt i didnt exist and actually felt dp. If you focus to much on yourself you loose yourself, thats how it works because there has never been a self you could pinpoint, thats just not how reality is setup. The feeling of self is all the parts of you playing together nicely, being integrated and that self awareness causes disintegration and then you get stuck there because you keep trying to find yourself which just makes it worse. If thats the mechanism behind your dp, you just gotta learn to let it go and forget about it
I agree. I recovered once from extreme anxiety and dp/dr, that was 6 years ago. Between then and now everytime when i was feeling anxious or playing soccer games (i was always afraid of being bad at games or that other people would evaluate me negatively) i would get my dp/dr back. Literally every soccer match i got a dp/dr episode in the past 6 years, but i couldnt care less at that moment. Yes i was having immense panic attacks during the match, but they would always subside as soon as the ref blew the whistle, so i would forget about having those panic attacks literally a few hours later.

Long story short, it's the fear of another episode that will keep you in the loop and once you are in the loop it is so hard to get out of it. Because of all the anxiety my body is feeling so sick right now, it's a daily struggle to try and get fitter.. but i'm sure there will be one day when everything will get back to normal
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
46 Posts
I'm convinced that with an underlying anxiety disorder (hypochondria as an example) - one can absolutely "google" your way into anything.

Power of persuasion.

But alas.... the beauty is you can also think your way out....
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top