I dont even know if I even have dp

talking with my girlfriend today, we were talking how i got this way and how it all started, i just had a really bad night, was super depressed, really depressed and unsatisfied with myself, felt like a failure, had a couple of drinks, drove home even more sadder, was on the urge of just giving it all up, i hated myself so much that night i smoked weed even tho i hated it, i just wanted myself to feel bad

next day i woke up like fuck i cant believe all that happend, like i felt so dumb for doing that stuff and feeling that way

it was just weird, i was walking to my kitchen and my dad who is like my best friend told me something, like how was ur night or some bull, and i usually could respond from my heart, or my answer just comes out effortless, cus thats my dad, like its effortless to talk to him, but i just didnt know what to say, nothing came to me, i felt weird, so i just ignored what he said then he said something again and still no answer in my head of what to say then i just blurted something out

i slurred it pretty bad, like my mouth was retarded, like i couldnt speak well, i was sluring like a mother

i just figured i was still high, anyways 3-4 days later, same feeling, i googled what i felt, and dp popped up, but i never felt like im not in my body, idk if its cus i use to smoke hella weed and use to feeling high all the time and cant see the difference, idk but i dont feel like that

anyways my girlfriend thinks i just fell into a deep depression and letted that get to me, now writing this.. yeah idk what i have

i just remember for the first week my speech was messed up, i was slurring words, hella weird, and i remember like i almost forgot how to walk, like i was stumbling, it was so weird, it took me like 3 days to walk right

i dont know if this is dp, i did have super anxiety, still do have anxiety, a lot, im just thinking its cus im not confident in myself, also im hyper aware to sounds, like thats all i focus on, it sucks

i dont know what the fuck i have but maybe its a personality disorder, cus im no were close to who i was, jokingly or anything, like my whole personality flew out the door

sucks

but i think ima go back to medicine.. im kinda sad about it

but i never gave it a fair shot

i took abilify, and it brought my personality back, just felt so sleepy during the day, and i remember feeling like i was saying stuff i would use to say, it just felt like it didnt mean anything, but what the heck, im talking now and it feels like my words dont feel anything

whatever, just ranting

comments would be awesome, i dont know what i was getting at, just expressing