I cant feel anything at all. No negative, no positive. In fact, i cant even understand what these are anymore. All im aware of is the fact i exist. I dont feel good or bad. I have no drive for anything. I keep thinking dying is the only logical thing to do. I dont know why id want to feel good anymore. Its just a feeling. Im just existing. My feelings arnt even real, are they? The only thing that kept me from killing myself before was to prevent others from feeling the pain of my loss but now i dont even understand pain anymore. I dont understand anything. All i know and feel is i exist.