[Hopeful85]

It's been close to 4 months of this and it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I've had ups that felt so close to normal and downs that I didn't think were possible. It's baffling. Of course I'm currently going thru a bad streak at the moment because when I'm feeling better I almost forget about this forum.
I really wish I knew what I could do to help move things along in the right direction but I broke down last night about my thoughts taking over me. Insomnia is back, and I just feel lost. I feel like it might be time to try medication because I'm just so sick of feeling this way. I feel like an alien and I don't understand how normal people can just go thru life meanwhile I'm inside my head freaking out all the time.
This is mainly just to vent but hopefully in the future I can look back and see some progress. As always any advice or kind words is appreciated.

 

[hanginginhere_ramen]

when going through hell, don't stop. its okay to break down every once in awhile though, you just gotta remember to pick yourself up right where you left off.

 

[Hopeful85]

Thank you for the kind words. Every day I try to say to myself ok just keep going. Can’t let the bad days get me down.

 

[forestx5]

This brings back memories. I fought taking meds for years, relying on my inner strength and ability to endure the pain and suffering. I guess I didn't want to surrender to the fact that I was "mentally ill" by taking medication. But, I was ill. I had a major depressive disorder.

At some point, I had to take meds to survive. During one depressive episode, I didn't have any real sleep for 52 days. Very few people on this planet can relate to that. I researched and found a medication that opened my sleep window.

I researched and discovered my panic attacks were not....they were focal temporal lobe seizures. I had a rare and difficult to diagnose epileptic condition which had segued into an affective disorder of major depression.

US Neurology has "bigger fish to fry", so I continued to search for my answers until I found them in a British Neurological Text. I diagnosed myself and ordered the clinical diagnostics which confirmed my diagnosis.

I only wish it had taken me just 4 months, and not 38 years. Well, you do what you have to do. I'm good to go now.

 

[Hopeful85]

This brings back memories. I fought taking meds for years, relying on my inner strength and ability to endure the pain and suffering. I guess I didn't want to surrender to the fact that I was "mentally ill" by taking medication. But, I was ill. I had a major depressive disorder.
At some point, I had to take meds to survive. During one depressive episode, I didn't have any real sleep for 52 days. Very few people on this planet can relate to that. I researched and found a medication that opened my sleep window.
I researched and discovered my panic attacks were not....they were focal temporal lobe seizures. I had a rare and difficult to diagnose epileptic condition which had segued into an affective disorder of major depression.
US Neurology has "bigger fish to fry", so I continued to search for my answers until I found them in a British Neurological Text. I diagnosed myself and ordered the clinical diagnostics which confirmed my diagnosis.
I only wish it had taken me just 4 months, and not 38 years. Well, you do what you have to do. I'm good to go now.

Which medication did you find helped with sleep? That's my main problem right now and I've tried just about every natural and over the counter sleep aid there is with varying results. Nothing ever truly works consistently. Thanks.