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They say that drugs such as weed bring to surface memories that have been stored deep inside your emotional center.

My DR/Dp was caused by the intense anxiety of a bad trip.

But I want to share my story why the trip actually slipped into a bad trip.

Let me start first with my childhood.When I was in grade 2 and 3 I was very much loved by all people ,and the neighbors and just everyone.I looked like the child you would see on chocolate ads ,gold blond hair ,a a snow white face ,althought I lived in a European country ( I am of middle eastern origin) my european looking face had some unique look ,so I was really loved by all people who used to see me.It stayed like that till I hit puberty ,I think it was in grade 6.I started to look very unique ,a mix of spanish and european and some middle eastern.During that time ,as you know ,middle eastern families are conservative ,my parents were very strict and I was very scared to get close to girls ,so I was very shy and I blocked all attempts of girls who just wanted to talk to me ,therefore the girls in my class started to hate me and pick on me.I had the same classmates until grade 9 ,and in all those years I had to endure mobbing ,bad names ,just everything negative.

Add to that the phase of puberty and you know what happens to a growing brain.I started to feel lonely and rejected by the whole world ,I turned into a very shy person with a very very low self esteem.I turned to be a person who never expected something good to happen to him ,I always felt that I dont have the right to exist ,you could say a subhuman.The mobbing I had to experience ,lasted well into my adulthood.All my siblings married except me ,I still have in my mind the feeling that I am not liked by society and that I am just weak to exist.Thats why I turned to a night person ,I found safety in the night and sadly.

We humans are people who cannot survive without other people ,we have to interact ,that is our nature ,therefore I was going against human nature ,which further negatively affected my person.I was depressed all the time ,altough I was able to cope better at night.

The important point here is : I developed a chronic feeling of being lonely ,although I like humans ,I still prefered to be alone because of the past mobbing I have experienced.

Now what happened when I smoked weed ? I guess you all know that feeling when the weed hits you and you start to feel as if everything was in slow motion ,that is when I go into real panic ,because I felt that I was on my own ,that I lived in a different time zone ,THIS digged up the hidden pain I had all my life ,I was feeling lonely and suddenly the weed made me even feel that I am the only person on this planet ,that nothing else was real ,and I felt so sad and lonely and scared ,I was never so scared in my life.

The anxiety that was caused by that bad trip caused my DR and when I feel derealized I become scared because I get this intense feeling of being lonely.

After that trip I have realized how much the mobbing in my childhood has burned me from the inside.People talk about genetic factors ,but I believe that the enivironment has a greater effect on a human being.

We moved back to my parents country of origing ,I lost the right to love in my country of birth ,I had problems adapting to that new country ,I have experienced cultural shock ,armed conflicts ,I missed the places I used to spend my childhood in ,I just missed the places that made me feel good.I travelled again myself to another country ,had to work hard ,study hard ,was constantly sleep deprived .....

Imagine how much stress my body and mind had to handle.

Once you have children ,show them as much love as you can ,never make them feel lonely ,teach them how society works and why other people behave the way they behave ,teach them to be positive all the time ,it will do them so much good in their adulthood.

Thanks for reading ,cheers
 

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I relate to almost every thing you said in this post bro. It actually touched my heart and almost made me cry. I feel the same way. When 6th grade hit me i just stopped talking to people and started feeling depressed. So then i forgot how to socialize and that developed into social anxiety. I really think this is what weed brings to surface. Thoughts of being lonely and rejected.
 
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