[Guest]

Tonight I had my cat put down.

She was almost 19 years old, had her all my life and she was sick. For the past two years she has been throwing up her food and having mini-seizures. She weighed 20lb a few years back. When I took her in tonight she weiged less than 5. What I hate is the fact that I don't know if she was in pain. I know she was suffering, she had to have been. But she was still eating, still hungry, she just couldn't keep it down. I just didn't know what else to do and i'm so very sad about it right now.

For those of you out there who have had to go through with this before, I had no idea it was so hard. If you have any advice as to how I can get the image of her laying limp and lifeless with vacant eyes please tell me. I just keep seeing that. And I can hear her last meow..i'm just so sad and shocked with myself.

 

[terri*]

Oh Sarah, I'm so sorry.

A few years ago we had to have our Golden Retriever put down. We had a large animal vet come to the house and do it. The pain we all felt in our hearts was immeasurable. You will grieve for your cat as you would the loss of a friend or family member. It is one of those things that takes so much time for the heart to stop aching.

My biggest thought I want to send to you is this...It is the hardest things we do being pet owners or parents that make us the best caregivers. You did your best to give her a very long, and I am sure, happy life. You were there for her at the end when she needed you most.

My deepest sympathies for you and Rev as you go thru the grieving and loss of your special pet.

Most sincerely,
terri

 

[Martinelv]

I'm sorry too Sarah. I'm always choked when animals are suffering. At least it isn't in any pain anymore.

It may sound strange coming from me, but I agree with Terri* when she says that pets come to be a part of the family, and you grieve in the same way. I know I do. When I get back to living on my own, there is no way I can get myself a pet. If anything happened to it I would be totally gutted. Cowardly, I know, but seeing as I'm too irresponsible to look after even a house plant, I wouldn't trust myself.

And stop torturing yourself. I know it's hard, but you did the best thing.

 

[sebastian]

I'm extremely sorry to hear that Sarah.

I went through the same thing with my cat a couple of years ago. It was, in all honesty, the saddest loss i experienced (My grandfather died when i was young and i didn't really understand the implications of it). I had my cat since i was like 10 or 11. We had been through so much together. She was my little fluffy companion when I was bored...my comfort when times were bad...and my friend when things were good. It sounds bizarre talking that way about a cat but she really was. I grew up with her...travelled from house to house...she was one of the few permanent things in my life that i could always count on.

When she died i was soooo depressed, for like a week. One thing that i found helped me a great deal is writing out a little ode to her. I described all the things i loved about her...some of the highlights, etc. That helped tremendously and i will always cherish that piece of writing.

It's a terrible thing to lose something you love. But though it sounds cliche, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have had her at all. Good luck, Sarah...and my sympathies.

s.

 

[berlin]

I think putting down Eric, my bassett hound was the final straw for me I haven't felt the same since. Unfotunately I cant even say that I have grieved for him. I understand how important this is and I'm sorry.

Ang

 

[Guest]

I am so, so sorry - please know I understand what you just described, and my heart really goes out to you, Sarah.

You've got to make yourself think about your cat friend as he was when alive - to focus on images of him when vibrant and alert and maybe wanting food, or to be petted, snuggled against you or prowling like a wild animal chasing a shadow. THAT is your cat, not the image of the body without life in it. It's easy to torment ourselves, sometimes it's almost a kind of survival guilt - we feel like we must try to fathom the "dead" state, or we focus so hard on the last moments of the loved one's life that we lose sight of the REAL life - in all its length and potency.

A moment in time - that's all the death was. But your long friendship with him, and his development from kitten to full-grown feline - that's the stuff of meaning. HOLD onto that. And let the memory of the brief death fade away.

And I know you will miss your friend. I am so sorry, and I just send you the best wishes possible.

Love,
Janine

 

[ShyTiger]

Hi. It is one of the hardest things when you have to pts a friend. It will take time to get the image out of your head, it is natural that your mind goes to the most recent and outstanding image of her. As Janine says its good to focus on the life of your cat and just keep reminding yourself of that when the other image enters your head. Do you have a lively photo of her that captures who she was? Perhaps you could have that around to redirect your thoughts to?
It sounds like you did the kindest thing for your cat. Know that you made the decision you did from love and that we make the decisions we can with what infomation we have. Thats all we can really do. I also found that for some people writting to there pet and then burying it can help with any feelings that need to be expressed and to come to peace with the whole process.

Sending you hugs,
ShyTiger

 

[Guest]

Thank you all for your kind replies. I think I might gather a bunch of pictures I have of her (Koko) and make a collage. The oad idea is neat too...maybe I could do a shrine (like that wouldn't be weird and burying a note is nice too. I got her cremated so we are going to be burying her ashes up at my family's cottage (she always enjoyed it up there).

Anyhow, thanks again for the replies and suggestions, they have helped.

-Sarah

 

[Shadow Cat]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost a cat before that I loved dearly. I had her for my whole life. Making a collage would be good. I made a "shrine" thing to one of my dogs that died and my cat. I can see them everyday. Also, if your cat was an indoor cat, don't leave your shoes laying out. I used to and whenever I saw the shoes in the corner of my eye, I thought I saw my cat. Of course it was just a pair of shoes and it was upsetting for me.

 

[CaroleDaBoyz]

Sarah, I've very sorry for your loss.

I've lost my dog and three of my cats over the years. The loss of one of my cats was the catalyst for my DP. And last October when I lost my beloved Hadjimon, my one true soulmate in life, I came close to becoming DP'd again. I believe it was the spirit of Hadji that saved me from DP this time (I just posted about it in the "Spiritual - Do you believe in an afterlife" thread).

Studies have shown that the grief associated with the loss of a loved pet is as intense as the loss of a human loved one. And for some us (me, for sure), it's even more intense. Be kind to yourself, no matter what the circumstances I think we always feel guilt - and we shouldn't. Remember the good times, the love and happiness that you gave to Koko.

After losing Hadji I started writing a book about him. I jotted down every little detail I could remember of our lives together. I didn't want to forget our precious times over the years. It's been ten months now, and when I read what I wrote I sometimes laugh, and sometimes cry. But I'm so glad that I wrote it all down, it helps to keep the memories alive.

There is nothing we do to help us deal with grief that should be considered strange or unusual. We all have to deal with it in our own ways.

I believe the spirits of our beloved pets live in the Elysian Fields and watch over us.

May you find comfort in the memories of your many happy years together.

Carole