[Thursday]

I'm sorry for this post, I'm sorry that I'm just talking about me and how I feel, I'm sorry that I should be able to cope and I'm sorry because I know everyone on this website has dp or dr too. I have dp/dr disorder (I think it's linked to my OCD). It's been constant and worsening since October 2015. Usually it's okay, I'm used to it I guess. But lately it's so hard. It's the summer holidays but I'm doing a physics research placement and I just have so much to do. And my grandma's had a stroke and my dad's upset and me Nd my mum don't get on and my boyfriend has homicidal/suicidal thoughts and is tearing himself up over the death of a client friend he didn't visit. My friend has depression and self harms and has been pushed out of our group, she's so alone and she blames me, but I tried so hard and I don't know what to do. And my ex boyfriend wants to marry me and he's got such a low self esteem, he's so hurt by how people have treat him. My friend is in love with a girl who doesnt live him and he doesn't think he can live without her. My friends parents have split up and her grandads died. And I'm so stressed. And I'm not here, I'm struggling to believe this is real and keep going, daydreaming is my only safe haven but after I daydreaming I'm so much more spaced out. It's so hard to move and speak, to understand people. It's so hard to try and be okay with the fact that being alive is difficult, that I'm just not here. My boyfriend is my supporter for my disorder, but I can just keep dropping it on him, because I'm always scared and spacey and he worries so much. I'm so sorry. I just had to tell someone.