It would be such a relief to me if I could just believe that everything that is happening could all be explained by mental illness. But I just feel like I don't believe it. I want that to be the solution but when I search my soul to see if I believe that, it comes out inconclusive. I have no feeling towards that idea.
There are too many unexplainable, confusing things to me. How can this just be an anxiety disorder? If it is a disorder, surely it would be far worse than that. Too many things just don't add up.
Read it all, but this is for a specialist to diagnose.
Just a few things,
You are one hand explaining mental illness in your posts, yet for some reason it can't be?
Disorder is a spectrum, like any illness. It's why some think DP isn't that bad and others think "well you don't have DP then.." it's because someone could be low on the range of symptoms or really high, there is a diagnostic tool that shows the range by Cambridge for example, a self questionnaire. Could help you accept this is real and nothing you explained jumps out as anything but anxious thinking and/ DP.
I hope so. It's just so hopeless at times.
I'll find an explanation for one thing happening and that will give me temporary relief, but then some other coincidence or weird thing will happen and I'll be left questioning my belief system again.
For example, last night I had just got over something and then started remembering something from earlier in the timeline of all this going on. I remember meeting a friend and explaining the weirdness to him and about how I see 27s all the time. Then I said "for example, I bet you if I look at my phone now the time will display a 27". So of course it did,at a time where I was thinking heavily about 27, I seemingly make it appear and I knew I would. It proved my theory. I had no idea what part of the hour we were in but still managed to accurately prove my point that this must mean something was wrong with the world. I can't remember how I explained that away at the time to make myself better but now it's got me thinking about whether I did transport to another world.
If it was just coincidences alone, then fine I might be able to get through it. But it's with everything else. So today I was acting all chirpy when talking to people when not trying to. Was literally just words coming out of my mouth. No connection to my brain and actively not wanting to be chirpy because this 27 thing was bothering me. But there it was, happy as Larry chatting away blocking me from thinking about the thing I wanted to concentrate on. Was literally not thinking anything or trying to say this stuff, but it was still happening.
This kind of stuff all moulded together makes me believe this isnt the real world. Despite all the evidence on the other side like the people being the same, being able to find objects from the past etc. I just can't bring myself to believe im just ill because this stuff all seems too impossible to be true.
How the hell do I believe no matter what? Is there an explanation for all of this?
Who am I? Where am I?
Your question system will be rocked with DP, you don't feel connected, that's normal IMO.
I'd go see a physiatrist.
The 27 thing, could be a few things, might be OCD a form of anxiety. As the saying goes "test drive a car and you will now see it everywhere".. it's part of our nature to recognise patterns, the logical answer is you are in a bit of an anxiety loop looking for the pattern as it happened a few times and now you notice it, but you don't take in the hundred times you don't see that, in this case numbers, for instance if you look at the clock right now it would be 54. How can a clock always be 27? kinda a confirmed bias, you've latched onto the idea.
Anyway, this is physiatrist area for sure. Probably recommend CBT.
Just read Al_Pk - Totally agree
